Well, we made it!! Yay! Wednesday we had to wake the boys up early (12 am) for our 3 am flight from Almaty to Frankfurt. Thankfully that leg of our journey went relatively well. The boys were tired enough that they fell asleep about an hour into the flight and ended up sleeping for about five hours straight. We were so happy to make it to Frankfurt even though neither Dave nor I got more than an hour of sleep on that flight. We had a four hour layover in Frankfurt and we got through that by letting the boys play with internet kiosks, payphones and vending machines. All of these required money of course but they needed euros to work and all we gave them were tengi so they had fun trying to figure out why that didn't make the machines work ;) After that came the last leg of our journey and the part that we were dreading the most. A nine hour flight from Frankfurt to D.C. with almost no hope of anyone falling asleep. We also didn't get to sit together and that made things a little more challenging. So we took it in shifts to sit with Alex because he was the one that was harder to keep happy. Ethan was fine to sit and watch t.v. or play with the gameboy we bought for the trip. Thankfully we had a great guy sitting next to Alex that really helped us entertain him and keep him from having any fits! What a Godsend. Finally, for the last two hours of the flight when we were really running out of ways to keep Alex calm he fell asleep! We think that maybe he was afraid that if he fell asleep that he might miss going to America and that was why he fought so hard to stay awake for the whole flight. Well, finally we made it to Dulles and by that point our boys were so exhausted and cranky that they just kept saying "Niet America" which means "no America." But we are all home now and they are officially American citizens! Yay!
It was so great to walk out of those doors and to see my mom and all the whole Sircus family standing there waiting to greet us. Ethan and Alex were so excited to see their grandma aka Mimi and to meet Aunt Janine & Uncle Ben and Joe, Shane and Mackenzie. We had a little mini welcome home at our new house and then Dave and I enjoyed the sweet bliss of a four hour nap whilst my mom and Janine watched our boys. It's amazing what a difference having help makes. And I'm happy to report that the boys are happier than we've ever seen them and we are all finally getting a chance to really enjoy each other and to bond as a family. Being home in America has made a huge difference in all of our moods and now we just have to worry about unpacking and getting settled in.
Thank you everyone for all of your prayers and support and for keeping us uplifted and encouraged with your comments and emails. We couldn't have done this alone and God has blessed us with amazing family, friends and even some new friends that we met during this process. We will continue to post updates about the boys progress but probably not as frequently but any of you who want to continue to follow our journey are invited to stay in touch. This is only the beginning our our lifelong journey with these boys but thankfully we can now close this first chapter. We are home at last!
Tuesday
Manna from Heaven
We have been praying that God would grant us a good day on Monday so that we could get a little rest and refreshment. We really just needed a break before our big flight home. We imagined that God would just make the boys very calm and obedient for a day - that would be our answer to prayer.
Well, God usually likes to use his church to accomplish his tasks, and that's exactly what he did. We had been in contact with a friend of ours, Zhanar, who lives in Almaty. We first met her during our trip to KZ in 2003 and have kept in contact since. Before we left Petro, we had tentatively planned to have dinner with Zhanar and her daughter on Monday night. Honestly, when Monday night came, we were strongly considering cancelling. We really wanted to see our old friend, but we were also tired and not ready to manage the boys in unknown territory (her apartment). Well, in typical Kazakh fashion, Zhanar insisted that she treat us to dinner at her place, and even drove across town to pick us up. The rest of the night was heaven.
Zhanar sat us down in her living room and gave the boys tons of toys to play with. She insisted we rest while she, her daughter, sister and cousin prepared a feast for us (we actually watched a few episodes of 'House', in Russian of course). We then were treated to a fantastic Japanese meal - filet of salmon, sushi, wine.... It was by far the best meal we have had in two months. Furthermore, another friend of ours from KZ, Dinara joined us with her husband.
The best part was we spent 3 hours in the dining room chatting and catching up with our friends, and didn't once have to worry about the kids - they actually played quietly in the other room!
We left at 10pm that night feeling rejuvinated. It was amazing how God used our Kazakh friends to lift us up when we needed it. We will never forget Zhanar and her unbelievable hospitality.
Well, God usually likes to use his church to accomplish his tasks, and that's exactly what he did. We had been in contact with a friend of ours, Zhanar, who lives in Almaty. We first met her during our trip to KZ in 2003 and have kept in contact since. Before we left Petro, we had tentatively planned to have dinner with Zhanar and her daughter on Monday night. Honestly, when Monday night came, we were strongly considering cancelling. We really wanted to see our old friend, but we were also tired and not ready to manage the boys in unknown territory (her apartment). Well, in typical Kazakh fashion, Zhanar insisted that she treat us to dinner at her place, and even drove across town to pick us up. The rest of the night was heaven.
Zhanar sat us down in her living room and gave the boys tons of toys to play with. She insisted we rest while she, her daughter, sister and cousin prepared a feast for us (we actually watched a few episodes of 'House', in Russian of course). We then were treated to a fantastic Japanese meal - filet of salmon, sushi, wine.... It was by far the best meal we have had in two months. Furthermore, another friend of ours from KZ, Dinara joined us with her husband.
The best part was we spent 3 hours in the dining room chatting and catching up with our friends, and didn't once have to worry about the kids - they actually played quietly in the other room!
We left at 10pm that night feeling rejuvinated. It was amazing how God used our Kazakh friends to lift us up when we needed it. We will never forget Zhanar and her unbelievable hospitality.
Monday
Almaty
So, we made it to Almaty. Our kids first plane ride, and it was in an old Russian tin can. :)
Traveling from Petro to Alamty is like going from the middle of nowhere Montana to New York city. More people speak English, it's uch more cosmopolitian, and its HOT. We been put up in another apartment for our short stay here.
All went well at the doctors today. Both kids are in good health. Alex does have a heart murmur. It may be a minor thing that he'll grow out of, or he may need some form of surgery later. Either way, the doctor was not worried - trust us, this kid show no signs of slowing down.
Many of you have asked about our arrival at the airport. We went back and forth on this, but we finally decided to keep our arrival a small affair - family only. Lot's of things are changing for these kids, we are both exhausted, so it might be overkill to come home to a huge group of very happy friends. We do hope to have a homecoming party sometime soon though, we'll keep you posted...
In 2 days we'll be home!!!!
Traveling from Petro to Alamty is like going from the middle of nowhere Montana to New York city. More people speak English, it's uch more cosmopolitian, and its HOT. We been put up in another apartment for our short stay here.
All went well at the doctors today. Both kids are in good health. Alex does have a heart murmur. It may be a minor thing that he'll grow out of, or he may need some form of surgery later. Either way, the doctor was not worried - trust us, this kid show no signs of slowing down.
Many of you have asked about our arrival at the airport. We went back and forth on this, but we finally decided to keep our arrival a small affair - family only. Lot's of things are changing for these kids, we are both exhausted, so it might be overkill to come home to a huge group of very happy friends. We do hope to have a homecoming party sometime soon though, we'll keep you posted...
In 2 days we'll be home!!!!
Saturday
The Last Stage
So, we are finally on the last stage of our adoption journey (the KZ part at least). Tomorrow (Sunday) we fly with the kids to Almaty. On Monday we'll get them checked out by an American doctor, and on Tuesday we'll visit the US consulate where the kids will get US visas. On Wed. morning, we board a flight for the USA!!!
Petropavlovsk did leave us some parting gifts. All day today and tomorrow morning we (and the entire city) has NO running water - another benefit of communism. Needless to say it has been fun having the four of us share a toilet that we cannot flush. We took this opportunity to expose the kids to one of the perks of being a boy - peeing outside. Let just say Alex 'christened' the neighborhood playground, with full parental support. :)
We do really still need your prayers. We are very anxious about tomorrow's flight and the longer flight home on Wed. In the last two days the boys have been the most out of control we have seen them, and we are as tired as we have ever felt. We hope this is just nerves about the impending airplane ride, but we really need them to 'behave' while on these flights and while we are in a hotel room in Almaty. Thankfully, we have handled the last few days of torment much better than last time - truly a gift from God.
Also continue to keep Jaclyn in your prayers. We've been running non-stop keeping the boys inline that she's had a rocky time processing her father's death.
We just long for the sweet sight of the Dulles airport runway beneath us.....
Petropavlovsk did leave us some parting gifts. All day today and tomorrow morning we (and the entire city) has NO running water - another benefit of communism. Needless to say it has been fun having the four of us share a toilet that we cannot flush. We took this opportunity to expose the kids to one of the perks of being a boy - peeing outside. Let just say Alex 'christened' the neighborhood playground, with full parental support. :)
We do really still need your prayers. We are very anxious about tomorrow's flight and the longer flight home on Wed. In the last two days the boys have been the most out of control we have seen them, and we are as tired as we have ever felt. We hope this is just nerves about the impending airplane ride, but we really need them to 'behave' while on these flights and while we are in a hotel room in Almaty. Thankfully, we have handled the last few days of torment much better than last time - truly a gift from God.
Also continue to keep Jaclyn in your prayers. We've been running non-stop keeping the boys inline that she's had a rocky time processing her father's death.
We just long for the sweet sight of the Dulles airport runway beneath us.....
Friday
A Great Tragedy
This is Jaclyn writing to let all of you know that I just recently found out that my father has died. This is a very difficult time for me right now and I could really use all of your prayers as I slowly process this tragedy in my life and at the same time continue to pour love into the lives of these two boys of whom I am now the mother. I want to now share a bit of the story of my father and I in an attempt to honor him and to give glory to God.
I have spent most of my life without any relationship with my father. We had some small contact every four or five years until 1995 when we lost touch permanently. We were estranged from each other until January of 2008. Throughout most of these years I harbored a deep-seated resentment towards my father and I was very angry with him for abandoning me. However, in spite of this resentment and anger I still had a yearning for a relationship with my father. It was this same yearning that led me to God and then eventually to Jesus. I had a huge hole in my heart and when I realized that Jesus had sacrificed himself so that I could have a relationship with the Father of all creation my heart began to be healed. It was in April of 1994 when I received Jesus and ever since that day God has been working in my heart so that one day I might be able to forgive my earthly father.
It wasn't until July of 2007 when my hardness of heart finally broke and I was able to fully forgive my father. I was preparing to lead a team of ten women to Jamaica on a missions trip to work with orphans when I felt convicted by God. I felt he spoke to my heart and asked me how I was able to travel to another country to share the good news of Jesus with complete strangers but I wasn't able to pick up the phone and speak to my own father. Well, it took me a while to process this and then it took some time to track down my father and then it took some time to build up the courage to actually make the phone call, but in January of 2008 I called my father. It was one of the scariest and yet most amazing things that I have done. My father received me with open arms and was so excited that I had called because he had found my address and had been trying to work up the courage to write me a letter. So, we started over with our relationship and I was very honest with him and I shared that I was only able to reach out to him because of the workings of the Holy Spirit in my life and that I was able to forgive him because I had been forgiven of my own sins through the sacrifice of Jesus. He never once took offense at anything I shared with him and we spent long hours talking about God and getting caught up on each other's life over the ensuing months. After several months of talking my father asked if he could come to visit me and so we made plans for him to visit in August of 2008. Unfortunately, he got sick and couldn't make it and so we had to reschedule but in October of 2008 my father and I finally saw each other after more than thirteen years of estrangement. Amazingly, it was during this same trip, after visiting our church with us, that my father received Jesus!
God's plan is amazing! I never could understand what purpose there could be in the lack of relationship between my father and myself but God used this very same wound to bring both of us to eternal healing. The wound in my own heart from abandonment paved the way for me realize how much I need a Saviour and the forgiveness that I offered to my father in spite of his failings is what paved the way for him to realize how much he needed a Saviour. I can now, more than ever, see how perfect God's timing is. I am deeply saddened by the loss of my father all over again but I am also filled with joy to know that this is just a temporary loss and that I will see my earthly father again in heaven. I sincerely wish that I could have had more time with my father but I am thankful that we spent the last year or so reconnecting and mending our relationship.
I truly appreciate all of your prayers and support during this difficult time and I would ask that you also pray for my father's family as they grieve, especially my two half-sisters. As it says in Romans 8, "the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." Thank you in advance for your prayers.
I have spent most of my life without any relationship with my father. We had some small contact every four or five years until 1995 when we lost touch permanently. We were estranged from each other until January of 2008. Throughout most of these years I harbored a deep-seated resentment towards my father and I was very angry with him for abandoning me. However, in spite of this resentment and anger I still had a yearning for a relationship with my father. It was this same yearning that led me to God and then eventually to Jesus. I had a huge hole in my heart and when I realized that Jesus had sacrificed himself so that I could have a relationship with the Father of all creation my heart began to be healed. It was in April of 1994 when I received Jesus and ever since that day God has been working in my heart so that one day I might be able to forgive my earthly father.
It wasn't until July of 2007 when my hardness of heart finally broke and I was able to fully forgive my father. I was preparing to lead a team of ten women to Jamaica on a missions trip to work with orphans when I felt convicted by God. I felt he spoke to my heart and asked me how I was able to travel to another country to share the good news of Jesus with complete strangers but I wasn't able to pick up the phone and speak to my own father. Well, it took me a while to process this and then it took some time to track down my father and then it took some time to build up the courage to actually make the phone call, but in January of 2008 I called my father. It was one of the scariest and yet most amazing things that I have done. My father received me with open arms and was so excited that I had called because he had found my address and had been trying to work up the courage to write me a letter. So, we started over with our relationship and I was very honest with him and I shared that I was only able to reach out to him because of the workings of the Holy Spirit in my life and that I was able to forgive him because I had been forgiven of my own sins through the sacrifice of Jesus. He never once took offense at anything I shared with him and we spent long hours talking about God and getting caught up on each other's life over the ensuing months. After several months of talking my father asked if he could come to visit me and so we made plans for him to visit in August of 2008. Unfortunately, he got sick and couldn't make it and so we had to reschedule but in October of 2008 my father and I finally saw each other after more than thirteen years of estrangement. Amazingly, it was during this same trip, after visiting our church with us, that my father received Jesus!
God's plan is amazing! I never could understand what purpose there could be in the lack of relationship between my father and myself but God used this very same wound to bring both of us to eternal healing. The wound in my own heart from abandonment paved the way for me realize how much I need a Saviour and the forgiveness that I offered to my father in spite of his failings is what paved the way for him to realize how much he needed a Saviour. I can now, more than ever, see how perfect God's timing is. I am deeply saddened by the loss of my father all over again but I am also filled with joy to know that this is just a temporary loss and that I will see my earthly father again in heaven. I sincerely wish that I could have had more time with my father but I am thankful that we spent the last year or so reconnecting and mending our relationship.
I truly appreciate all of your prayers and support during this difficult time and I would ask that you also pray for my father's family as they grieve, especially my two half-sisters. As it says in Romans 8, "the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." Thank you in advance for your prayers.
Tuesday
Interesting/Funny Pics from Petro
Below are a few interesting and funny pics we've collected from Petropavlovsk. Enjoy!
This is a billboard advertising a campaign in KZ to make KZ a 'modern' 1st world country by 2030. Always good to have a long-term plan!
They paint the bottoms of all their trees white. No one really knows why, it's just tradition. The best guess we heard is that it's part of 'beautifying the city'.
This is a standard place setting at a local restaurant. Notice the shot glass...
Petro has found an interesting solution to yearly tree maintenance. Just hack them down to the trunk.
An old statute of Lenin. Not kept up well anymore.
On May 1st, we went to a local 'fashion show'. It was are first, and probably only, fashion show.
We sneak this pic at the local food court. Notice the big guy on the left with the little glass of lemonade. Now notice the petite woman on the right with a big beer....and she's drinking it through a STRAW! Yep, the lady's here use straws to drink beer - something about not messing up their lipstick.
For all you Colorado types. This is a pic from a random store in the mall. It has kid's shoes, umbrellas, and backpacks. Notice the Denver Nuggets bag. This is the only reference to American sports teams that we have seen here.
This is a billboard advertising a campaign in KZ to make KZ a 'modern' 1st world country by 2030. Always good to have a long-term plan!
They paint the bottoms of all their trees white. No one really knows why, it's just tradition. The best guess we heard is that it's part of 'beautifying the city'.
This is a standard place setting at a local restaurant. Notice the shot glass...
Petro has found an interesting solution to yearly tree maintenance. Just hack them down to the trunk.
An old statute of Lenin. Not kept up well anymore.
On May 1st, we went to a local 'fashion show'. It was are first, and probably only, fashion show.
We sneak this pic at the local food court. Notice the big guy on the left with the little glass of lemonade. Now notice the petite woman on the right with a big beer....and she's drinking it through a STRAW! Yep, the lady's here use straws to drink beer - something about not messing up their lipstick.
For all you Colorado types. This is a pic from a random store in the mall. It has kid's shoes, umbrellas, and backpacks. Notice the Denver Nuggets bag. This is the only reference to American sports teams that we have seen here.
A Lesson in Judging Others
Today I had to laugh at myself when I became the mom with the out of control kids. We wanted to meet up with a couple we met here who are leaving on Wednesday and thought it might be nice to meet at a cafe for dinner. We have taken Alex out to dinner at a cafe before and he did really well so we figured we could handle taking both boys out to dinner. All in all we made it through the evening unscathed but that doesn't mean that it wasn't a challenge. First, we picked a table that was under a canopy and shaded because it was so hot out but within fifteen minutes our shade was gone and we ended up getting baked for the next hour or so. Then, when we asked the waiter for more time to figure out our order he interpreted that as come back in twenty minutes. So, in spite of baking in the sun and having to wait for almost forty minutes to get our food, the boys did keep it together pretty well. However, towards the end of dinner at one point I looked at the boys and realized that Ethan was busily eating just ketchup with his fork out of the little dish they brought it in and Alex was just rubbing his french fry back and forth across the table trying to get the dill off of the fry! All at once I realized that I had become that mom that I always see in restaurants with the out of control kids. The same mom that I always judge and think to myself, "why is she letting her kids get away with that crazy behavior?" Well, I've learned my lesson because even though there was a point at which Alex was literally lying on the table, I was just happy that they weren't screaming bloody murder and trying to run away ;)
Sunday
Inducted into Motherhood
Well, if motherhood was a sorority there would be a hazing event shortly after you joined, right? I can now officially claim motherhood because I have undergone said hazing event. In the last two days I have cleaned up both blood and urine and have done at least 5 loads of laundry! Our youngest, Alex, usually thinks he's much bigger than he is and is always trying to play with the older kids at the playground. Well, yesterday he was playing on this big jungle gym thing and he was running across a bridge and tripped and face planted right into a plank of wood. When he stood up, blood was just pouring from his nose and I had to carry him up 5 flights of stairs to get him all cleaned up and to put all of his bloody clothes in the laundry. Keep in mind one shirt and one pair of shorts equals one load in our tiny washer. Well, that was not the end of the drama because about twenty minutes later he said he needed to use the toilet and I raced him up those 5 flights again and right as we got in our hallway and we were literally ten steps from the toilet he just couldn't hold it anymore and just started peeing in the hall. Well, our washing machine actually takes almost three hours to get through one load and it had only been twenty to thirty minutes so I had to just make a pile of pee-laundry in the corner and we had already used up all of Alex's clean clothes so I had to put him in some of Ethan's.
That whole day was very traumatic for poor Alex and it's seemed to cause a bit of a regression because today we've had two more pee-incidents and somehow I'm always the lucky one who gets to deal with it. Good 'ole "mom to the rescue" right? It's so sad because the poor little guy always tells us that he needs to use the toilet beforehand but lately, he only gives a couple minutes notice before he just starts peeing. Today, he started peeing as I'm lifting him onto the toilet and yes he got me. So, I've officially been bled on and peed on and I'm just waiting to be thrown up on. I'm considering myself officially hazed and officially part of the sisterhood of women who have no fear of bodily fluids. Now, some of you may be wondering where Dave was in all of this. Trust me he's no slacker but all of these incidents seem to occur when we are outside and someone has to stay with Ethan, so luck of the draw fell to me. But he has been drooled on (right into his mouth) by Alex, and almost had his right nipple bitten off - again by Alex - so he hasn't missed out on all the fun. Anyway, I've managed to keep my sense of humor throughout all this and just thought that all you other mothers would get a laugh out of my hazing into motherhood :)
That whole day was very traumatic for poor Alex and it's seemed to cause a bit of a regression because today we've had two more pee-incidents and somehow I'm always the lucky one who gets to deal with it. Good 'ole "mom to the rescue" right? It's so sad because the poor little guy always tells us that he needs to use the toilet beforehand but lately, he only gives a couple minutes notice before he just starts peeing. Today, he started peeing as I'm lifting him onto the toilet and yes he got me. So, I've officially been bled on and peed on and I'm just waiting to be thrown up on. I'm considering myself officially hazed and officially part of the sisterhood of women who have no fear of bodily fluids. Now, some of you may be wondering where Dave was in all of this. Trust me he's no slacker but all of these incidents seem to occur when we are outside and someone has to stay with Ethan, so luck of the draw fell to me. But he has been drooled on (right into his mouth) by Alex, and almost had his right nipple bitten off - again by Alex - so he hasn't missed out on all the fun. Anyway, I've managed to keep my sense of humor throughout all this and just thought that all you other mothers would get a laugh out of my hazing into motherhood :)
Saturday
KZ Mastercard
Birdseed for hours of entertainment (and lure for catching pidgeons - Ethan actually caught one) ....... 80 tenge (50 cents)
Empty water jug for filling up with sand ...... 170 tenge (1 dollar)
Sunglasses so you can be the coolest boys in Petro ...... 400 tenge ($2.50)
A bandage to cover up the huge gash in the eyelid you get when spinning head-first into the end table ...... 15 tenge (10 cents)
Walking hand in hand with your mom for life ....... priceless
Somethings that make kids happy you can buy, for everything else, there's parents........
Empty water jug for filling up with sand ...... 170 tenge (1 dollar)
Sunglasses so you can be the coolest boys in Petro ...... 400 tenge ($2.50)
A bandage to cover up the huge gash in the eyelid you get when spinning head-first into the end table ...... 15 tenge (10 cents)
Walking hand in hand with your mom for life ....... priceless
Somethings that make kids happy you can buy, for everything else, there's parents........
Friday
All together at last
On Wed we finally took custody of Ethan - for good.
Since then things have been good. Alex still has his episodes, but we feel more confident in dealing with them now. We are feeling that Alex is slowly attaching to us. Yay! Ethan is going through his own adjustment, is his own way. In all though, it is GREAT to all be together. Exhausting, but GREAT.
As brothers, they are doing well. Ethan has really stepped into the big brother role. For his part Alex has done a great job of taking on the role of annoying little brother. He always wants to do whatever Ethan is doing even if Ethan doesn't want help from Alex. Thanks for all of the prayers on our behalf and keep it up. We are glad to be all together but we are anxious to be home and out of this limbo period.
Since then things have been good. Alex still has his episodes, but we feel more confident in dealing with them now. We are feeling that Alex is slowly attaching to us. Yay! Ethan is going through his own adjustment, is his own way. In all though, it is GREAT to all be together. Exhausting, but GREAT.
As brothers, they are doing well. Ethan has really stepped into the big brother role. For his part Alex has done a great job of taking on the role of annoying little brother. He always wants to do whatever Ethan is doing even if Ethan doesn't want help from Alex. Thanks for all of the prayers on our behalf and keep it up. We are glad to be all together but we are anxious to be home and out of this limbo period.
Monday
Audition #2 - Ethan
Below is Ethan's audition for Dancing with the Stars. We've got two talented kids!
Saturday
Audition #1 - Alex
The below clip is Alex's audition for American Idol. All you VeggieTales fans out there will especially enjoy it. :)
Step by Step
Well, little bit by little bit we are making our way through this long and arduous process. In case anyone was counting we reached the six week mark this past Thursday the 28th. We had hoped we would be home by now but it looks like it will be another three weeks. Good news is that as of today, the 30th, Ethan and Alex are officially ours according to Kazakhstan law. That means this week we can start all of the paperwork to get them new passports, visas, etc. We are also planning to take custody of Ethan on Wednesday and finally we will all be together.
So, for everyone who has offered us help in the form of hand-me-downs we are very excited to receive such help. Several of you have asked for sizes for clothes and shoes and have asked what else we might need so below is a cursory list of some forseeable needs. As best as we can figure, Ethan will fit into either 6T/7T or Small clothes and wears a size 4 to 4-1/2 shoe. Alex will fit into 3T clothes and wears a kids size 12-1/2 to 13 shoe.
What we need:
clothes; shoes; outdoor toys like balls, bats, skateboards, skooters, bikes, etc.; kids books; kids puzzles; indoor toys like legos, cars, etc.; swimming/pool stuff like floaties, inner tubes, etc.
We would like to thank all of you in advance and we really want to stress that we aren't asking for anything new! We are more than happy to accept hand-me-downs or other things that you were planning on getting rid off but we don't want people to buy us anything new.
Thanks again everyone, and please keep praying! Please pray that all the paperwork that needs to happen in the next three weeks gets done with no problems and as quickly as possible; pray for us as we bring Ethan to live with us and we start to really bond with him; pray for Ethan as he transitions from the Children's Village to our tiny apartment; pray for Alex as he transitions from being an only child to having his brother in the mix; pray for our sanity as we continue to wait for the ability to bring our two boys home to the US. We really miss home!
So, for everyone who has offered us help in the form of hand-me-downs we are very excited to receive such help. Several of you have asked for sizes for clothes and shoes and have asked what else we might need so below is a cursory list of some forseeable needs. As best as we can figure, Ethan will fit into either 6T/7T or Small clothes and wears a size 4 to 4-1/2 shoe. Alex will fit into 3T clothes and wears a kids size 12-1/2 to 13 shoe.
What we need:
clothes; shoes; outdoor toys like balls, bats, skateboards, skooters, bikes, etc.; kids books; kids puzzles; indoor toys like legos, cars, etc.; swimming/pool stuff like floaties, inner tubes, etc.
We would like to thank all of you in advance and we really want to stress that we aren't asking for anything new! We are more than happy to accept hand-me-downs or other things that you were planning on getting rid off but we don't want people to buy us anything new.
Thanks again everyone, and please keep praying! Please pray that all the paperwork that needs to happen in the next three weeks gets done with no problems and as quickly as possible; pray for us as we bring Ethan to live with us and we start to really bond with him; pray for Ethan as he transitions from the Children's Village to our tiny apartment; pray for Alex as he transitions from being an only child to having his brother in the mix; pray for our sanity as we continue to wait for the ability to bring our two boys home to the US. We really miss home!
Ethan's new clothes
The below story has probably happened to every parent, but I (Dave) thought I'd share it with you and my reflections on it.
Last weekend, we took Ethan to the 'mall' to buy him new clothes and shoes. He only has basically one outfit, so we wanted to spoil him with a new one (and he really needed new shoes). We spent a good half hour at the mall, spent $70+ on him, and he walked away with new shirts, pants, shoes, hat, socks, and underwear. He was beaming, and so was his Dad. That lasted about 2 minutes. Then we walked past a toy store, and of course, he had to have a certain toy. We said no, and he went from happy to moping and disgruntled. In that moment I was so mad. Didn't he know how much we've spent and what we've gone through to get to this point! Didn't he appreciate the brand new clothes we just bought him! And now all he cares about is some stupid toy! How ungrateful!!!
Later it dawned on me. I wonder how many times God feels the same way. He gives us so much, but at the first moment we don't get some trivial thing we want, we complain. We question His love, His compassion. We pull away and mope. We all do it. I've done quite a few times on this trip. Yet despite it, God continues to love us, provide for us, and protect us - something I need to remember as I parent.
Last weekend, we took Ethan to the 'mall' to buy him new clothes and shoes. He only has basically one outfit, so we wanted to spoil him with a new one (and he really needed new shoes). We spent a good half hour at the mall, spent $70+ on him, and he walked away with new shirts, pants, shoes, hat, socks, and underwear. He was beaming, and so was his Dad. That lasted about 2 minutes. Then we walked past a toy store, and of course, he had to have a certain toy. We said no, and he went from happy to moping and disgruntled. In that moment I was so mad. Didn't he know how much we've spent and what we've gone through to get to this point! Didn't he appreciate the brand new clothes we just bought him! And now all he cares about is some stupid toy! How ungrateful!!!
Later it dawned on me. I wonder how many times God feels the same way. He gives us so much, but at the first moment we don't get some trivial thing we want, we complain. We question His love, His compassion. We pull away and mope. We all do it. I've done quite a few times on this trip. Yet despite it, God continues to love us, provide for us, and protect us - something I need to remember as I parent.
Thursday
A Crisis of Faith
Thank you again for all of your support and prayers and emails and blog comments!!!! It means the world to us to have such strong support back home. We have felt your prayers lifting up our spirits and giving us new hope and refreshment and we have felt God moving in our hearts to reconfirm for us that these two boys are our sons. We still desperately need your prayers because we still have a long road ahead of us but we are certain that this is the road we are meant to travel. I (Jaclyn) want to share more detail about what has been going on so that you can have a better idea of how to pray specifically and so that you can better understand what we are facing.
First let me share what has been going on with me. When we started this whole process, we were both confident that God would lead us to our children and that we would feel a connection with them when we met them. Well, God was faithful and he did lead us to our children and we did feel that connection when we first met them and as we continued to meet with them. Unfortunately, I had an expectation that I didn't even realize I was holding onto. I expected to feel an initial connection and then to have that connection grow more and more each day. I knew that there would be hard times and that there would even be times that I felt that parenting was an impossible task but I expected to have this strong connection to fall back on. I never expected to doubt whether these were our kids or not. I expected to always FEEL that these are my children. Unfortunately, when things started to get difficult, my feelings about the situation changed and I took this as an indication that we had made a mistake. I had a crisis of faith and I forgot the past. I forgot about all of the miracles that we experienced along the way. I forgot about all the many times we saw God's face and felt his hands and heard his voice. I doubted our calling because of this expectation that I would always FEEL that these are my kids. What I had neglected to remember is that we are still in the process of bonding with our children. We are still almost strangers to them and them to us and creating a good strong lasting bond doesn't happen overnight or even over three weeks of seeing our kids for only two or three hours a day. We are still in the very beginning stages of bonding with our children and that means that I need to give myself, as well as them, time to adjust and time enough to really form these family attachments.
That's what's been going on with me but I am also seeing with new eyes what has been going on with Alex. Again, I had an expectation that ended up tripping me up. I was expecting the transition from the Baby House to our apartment to be difficult and when it wasn't I assumed that meant that Alex was doing good and that he would continue to do well. When things started deteriorating I thought he was just being obstinate and then when things got totally out of control I freaked out because I felt like this was never going to get any better and that Alex was just going to keep spiralling out of control. What I now see is that he is a very fragile little boy who is having a lot of conflicting emotions and a lot of change in his life and he doesn't know how to control his emotions. What he needs is a firm but gentle hand from people who are protecting him and assuring him that everything is going to be okay. What he got from us was anger, irritation, confusion and desperation. Thankfully, talking with our case worker, my mom and Ben & Janine gave us some new perspectives and new hope for the future.
So, we have turned a corner. This doesn't mean that things have gotten very much easier but we have some new tools in our parental tool belt and we are looking at the situation with fresh eyes. We could use prayer for the ability to successfully communicate to Alex that we are safe people for him; for Alex to be able to start to trust us; for Ethan to be able to understand why he isn't living with us yet when Alex is; for us to be able to build a good foundation for Alex so that when we do take custody of Ethan it isn't as stressful; for us to be able to pour out our love on Ethan and each give him some one on one time; and most of all for our sanity as we continue to live here in Kaz for three more weeks. Thanks again everyone, we love and miss all of our family and friends and desperately long to be back in the good 'ole US of A.
First let me share what has been going on with me. When we started this whole process, we were both confident that God would lead us to our children and that we would feel a connection with them when we met them. Well, God was faithful and he did lead us to our children and we did feel that connection when we first met them and as we continued to meet with them. Unfortunately, I had an expectation that I didn't even realize I was holding onto. I expected to feel an initial connection and then to have that connection grow more and more each day. I knew that there would be hard times and that there would even be times that I felt that parenting was an impossible task but I expected to have this strong connection to fall back on. I never expected to doubt whether these were our kids or not. I expected to always FEEL that these are my children. Unfortunately, when things started to get difficult, my feelings about the situation changed and I took this as an indication that we had made a mistake. I had a crisis of faith and I forgot the past. I forgot about all of the miracles that we experienced along the way. I forgot about all the many times we saw God's face and felt his hands and heard his voice. I doubted our calling because of this expectation that I would always FEEL that these are my kids. What I had neglected to remember is that we are still in the process of bonding with our children. We are still almost strangers to them and them to us and creating a good strong lasting bond doesn't happen overnight or even over three weeks of seeing our kids for only two or three hours a day. We are still in the very beginning stages of bonding with our children and that means that I need to give myself, as well as them, time to adjust and time enough to really form these family attachments.
That's what's been going on with me but I am also seeing with new eyes what has been going on with Alex. Again, I had an expectation that ended up tripping me up. I was expecting the transition from the Baby House to our apartment to be difficult and when it wasn't I assumed that meant that Alex was doing good and that he would continue to do well. When things started deteriorating I thought he was just being obstinate and then when things got totally out of control I freaked out because I felt like this was never going to get any better and that Alex was just going to keep spiralling out of control. What I now see is that he is a very fragile little boy who is having a lot of conflicting emotions and a lot of change in his life and he doesn't know how to control his emotions. What he needs is a firm but gentle hand from people who are protecting him and assuring him that everything is going to be okay. What he got from us was anger, irritation, confusion and desperation. Thankfully, talking with our case worker, my mom and Ben & Janine gave us some new perspectives and new hope for the future.
So, we have turned a corner. This doesn't mean that things have gotten very much easier but we have some new tools in our parental tool belt and we are looking at the situation with fresh eyes. We could use prayer for the ability to successfully communicate to Alex that we are safe people for him; for Alex to be able to start to trust us; for Ethan to be able to understand why he isn't living with us yet when Alex is; for us to be able to build a good foundation for Alex so that when we do take custody of Ethan it isn't as stressful; for us to be able to pour out our love on Ethan and each give him some one on one time; and most of all for our sanity as we continue to live here in Kaz for three more weeks. Thanks again everyone, we love and miss all of our family and friends and desperately long to be back in the good 'ole US of A.
Tuesday
Hope
First off, we want to THANK everyone who has been praying and thinking about us. Believe me, we have FELT it.
The last day and a half have been slightly better. Alex still has uncontrollable fits. He still screams for 30+ minutes straight, still hits, and now even bites (Dave has the scars to prove it). When he's doing good, he's an angel. When he's not, well.....
It now usually occurs just before nap time and bed time (no surprise) - and throughout the day at odd times. We've already had our neighbor come twice to ask if we were beating him - well intended, but not helpful.
The real miracle has been our ability to remain calm during his fits - something we didn't do over the weekend. Even when he's screaming bloody murder (and yelling Russian that we don't understand - and probably don't won't to), we've been able to not let it get to us, but continue to speak softly to him. Believe me, this is God alone enabling us to do it.
Our heart really hurts for Alex. When he's screaming, hitting, and biting us, we aren't taking it personally now. We can now see how all this rage is really directed at the cruelty that the world has dished out on this poor little one. So we continue to speak softly, love him, and pray for more patience.
Don't get us wrong, we are still very tired, pretty much at our limits, and still very much need your prayers. But, we feel we have passed a milestone. On Sunday night, we both were at the the brink of calling the whole thing off and coming home alone. Thanks to friends, family, and ultimately God, we feel we are passed that crisis. We know these are our kids, even if we don't 'feel' it all that much anymore.
To catch you up, this weekend we had both Ethan and Alex. Ethan really stepped up, played the role of a big brother, and was a true saint (despite his own fits). He went back to his orphange on Sunday night since he had his last day of school on Monday. We had intended on taking custody of him after that, but we've now decided to hold off a few days, perhaps another week. We just really need to give Alex our full attention to get him through this stage. We feel Ethan is old enough to understand this, and while it breaks our heart to not have him with us now, we hope it will be the best in the long run.
Thanks again for all your prayers - they TRULY are felt.
The last day and a half have been slightly better. Alex still has uncontrollable fits. He still screams for 30+ minutes straight, still hits, and now even bites (Dave has the scars to prove it). When he's doing good, he's an angel. When he's not, well.....
It now usually occurs just before nap time and bed time (no surprise) - and throughout the day at odd times. We've already had our neighbor come twice to ask if we were beating him - well intended, but not helpful.
The real miracle has been our ability to remain calm during his fits - something we didn't do over the weekend. Even when he's screaming bloody murder (and yelling Russian that we don't understand - and probably don't won't to), we've been able to not let it get to us, but continue to speak softly to him. Believe me, this is God alone enabling us to do it.
Our heart really hurts for Alex. When he's screaming, hitting, and biting us, we aren't taking it personally now. We can now see how all this rage is really directed at the cruelty that the world has dished out on this poor little one. So we continue to speak softly, love him, and pray for more patience.
Don't get us wrong, we are still very tired, pretty much at our limits, and still very much need your prayers. But, we feel we have passed a milestone. On Sunday night, we both were at the the brink of calling the whole thing off and coming home alone. Thanks to friends, family, and ultimately God, we feel we are passed that crisis. We know these are our kids, even if we don't 'feel' it all that much anymore.
To catch you up, this weekend we had both Ethan and Alex. Ethan really stepped up, played the role of a big brother, and was a true saint (despite his own fits). He went back to his orphange on Sunday night since he had his last day of school on Monday. We had intended on taking custody of him after that, but we've now decided to hold off a few days, perhaps another week. We just really need to give Alex our full attention to get him through this stage. We feel Ethan is old enough to understand this, and while it breaks our heart to not have him with us now, we hope it will be the best in the long run.
Thanks again for all your prayers - they TRULY are felt.
Sunday
Tough Week......Please Pray
Well, we wish this could be another fun post. To be honest, the last week has gone from complete bliss to an utter nightmare.
Over the last five days, Alex's behavior has become uncontrollable. All day long we are constantly bombarded with fits of rage, 30 minutes screaming sessions, him constantly hitting us, etc. Some of this is to be expected of an orphan due to all the change in his life - but this is ALOT more.
Honestly, we are spent. We are in a foreign land, trying to parent a very hurt little one, and our only disciplinary tool is the word 'no'. Nothing else seems to be working. We are without flesh-and-blood support. We are tired. We are almost done.....
Please pray for us. The next few days will be very important.....
Over the last five days, Alex's behavior has become uncontrollable. All day long we are constantly bombarded with fits of rage, 30 minutes screaming sessions, him constantly hitting us, etc. Some of this is to be expected of an orphan due to all the change in his life - but this is ALOT more.
Honestly, we are spent. We are in a foreign land, trying to parent a very hurt little one, and our only disciplinary tool is the word 'no'. Nothing else seems to be working. We are without flesh-and-blood support. We are tired. We are almost done.....
Please pray for us. The next few days will be very important.....
Thursday
Our Little Munchkin
I think we have mentioned how the weather here is crazy and it's been acting up again. For the past week and over the weekend it has been really warm, in the upper 70's to low 80's. We knew we would be getting custody of Alex on Monday and so we did our shopping for clothes for him on Saturday and Sunday. Given that it was really hot out we bought him all clothes for warm weather. Then on Monday on our way to get him we realized it had gotten a little colder, in the 50's, so we picked him up a sweatsuit. Well, it has continued to get colder and yesterday it rained all day. We can't stay inside with him because he goes stir crazy, so below are a couple of pictures of him dressed up in all of the clothes we bought him plus Mom's North Face vest and an umbrella that he insisted on holding himself. It was a riot! It was even cuter when we went to pick up Ethan and then he held the umbrella over himself and Alex and they walked together with Ethan's arm around Alex. They are both cute boys but nothing is cuter than seeing the two of them together! Anyway, the crazy weather continues and this morning on Alex's 4th birthday we woke up to snow! Can you believe it? It's the middle/end of May and it's only 40 degrees outside. No fear though, the forecast for tomorrow is in the high 60's and by the weekend it'll probably be in the high 70's low 80's again. Aaah, Petro :) But at least we have hot water again so we are in good spirits.
Tuesday
Boys & Cars
No surprise.... our boys like cars....
At least Ethan is no longer pointing a toy gun (which looks real) out the window and shooting every living thing as we drive....
Alex finally gets to ride in the car
Monday we REALLY became parents! We had the morning to ourselves and then off to the Baby House to pick up Alex. We brought new clothes to put him in (they were slightly too big) and then he was ready to go see big brother.
Next we drove to the Children's Village to visit Ethan. Alex was so excited to drive in the car and had a huge smile the entire ride. When we got to the Children's Village Ethan was so excited to show off his house to Alex and to show off his little brother to the other kids he lives with. Ethan immediately took on the big brother role and walked around the house with his arm around Alex. It was one of the sweetest, cutest moments between brothers. Later on, of course, they started fighting about toys, but in that moment it was like heaven :) After spending some time there we then took Alex home to our Petro apt. He was excited to be in the car again and kept asking about his "doma," which means home but when he actually saw the door to the stairwell he freaked out. He clearly did not like the look of this place, nor do we really, but once we got him inside the apt. he calmed down. We let him explore the place a bit and then we made dinner. Dinner went pretty well but he didn't eat much and we had to bribe him with candy to eat half a piece of broccoli. What is it with kids and vegetables? lol ;) After dinner it was time to go to bed and that went pretty well until we accidentally (we didn't know how to say goodnight in Russian) told Alex that Papa was leaving and he burst into tears. We quickly remedied that with a lot of "Papa ne paka," and big hugs and kisses. "Paka" is what you say when you are leaving, we meant it in the sense that Papa was leaving the room, but he took it as Papa was leaving forever. So, lesson learned and we have figured out how to say goodnight instead of goodbye.
Last little bit of our first day as parents, which we know many of you will appreciate, we are very very sleepy. Alex woke up at 6am yelling because he didn't know where he was. He calmed down pretty quickly when he saw us but then he was wide awake and didn't want to go back to sleep. So, for everyone who knows how much we like to sleep in, you can be assured that we will be sleeping in no longer. As one of the other adoptive parents here said to us, "Welcome to the world of parenthood." All in all, it went pretty well and we are so glad to have custody of Alex while we are waiting in this appeal period.
Below is a video of Alex's first night home. Of course, the 4-year-old loves the TV....
Next we drove to the Children's Village to visit Ethan. Alex was so excited to drive in the car and had a huge smile the entire ride. When we got to the Children's Village Ethan was so excited to show off his house to Alex and to show off his little brother to the other kids he lives with. Ethan immediately took on the big brother role and walked around the house with his arm around Alex. It was one of the sweetest, cutest moments between brothers. Later on, of course, they started fighting about toys, but in that moment it was like heaven :) After spending some time there we then took Alex home to our Petro apt. He was excited to be in the car again and kept asking about his "doma," which means home but when he actually saw the door to the stairwell he freaked out. He clearly did not like the look of this place, nor do we really, but once we got him inside the apt. he calmed down. We let him explore the place a bit and then we made dinner. Dinner went pretty well but he didn't eat much and we had to bribe him with candy to eat half a piece of broccoli. What is it with kids and vegetables? lol ;) After dinner it was time to go to bed and that went pretty well until we accidentally (we didn't know how to say goodnight in Russian) told Alex that Papa was leaving and he burst into tears. We quickly remedied that with a lot of "Papa ne paka," and big hugs and kisses. "Paka" is what you say when you are leaving, we meant it in the sense that Papa was leaving the room, but he took it as Papa was leaving forever. So, lesson learned and we have figured out how to say goodnight instead of goodbye.
Last little bit of our first day as parents, which we know many of you will appreciate, we are very very sleepy. Alex woke up at 6am yelling because he didn't know where he was. He calmed down pretty quickly when he saw us but then he was wide awake and didn't want to go back to sleep. So, for everyone who knows how much we like to sleep in, you can be assured that we will be sleeping in no longer. As one of the other adoptive parents here said to us, "Welcome to the world of parenthood." All in all, it went pretty well and we are so glad to have custody of Alex while we are waiting in this appeal period.
Below is a video of Alex's first night home. Of course, the 4-year-old loves the TV....
Saturday
Why Communism Failed
So, when we first got here, we learned that all of Petro is heated centrally, meaning that they create all the hot air in one place, then pump it all throughout the city. At some point this month they will shut it off - no worries, it has been in the 80's here the last week, we've just had the windows opened and watched all that hot air go outside (very efficient!). So, think of that old apartment building you lived in where the management controlled when you had heat or air conditioning - but for the whole city! I guess this is a hold-over from the soviet era - everyone equal, right.
Well, yesterday (our day in court), we discovered we had no hot water. We later learned that the ENTIRE city receives it's hot water centrally, just like heating. Apparently the city has 'run out of hot water', and won't have any till June. Yep, that's right, Petro will soon be thriving with 250,000 very stinky people.
So, we've resorted to heating water on our little oven, and taking quasi-sponge showers every other day. Should be interesting....
So, centralized heating and hot water - another reason why communism failed. Forget Starbucks and Chipotle, we'd give anything for a hot water heater..... :)
Well, yesterday (our day in court), we discovered we had no hot water. We later learned that the ENTIRE city receives it's hot water centrally, just like heating. Apparently the city has 'run out of hot water', and won't have any till June. Yep, that's right, Petro will soon be thriving with 250,000 very stinky people.
So, we've resorted to heating water on our little oven, and taking quasi-sponge showers every other day. Should be interesting....
So, centralized heating and hot water - another reason why communism failed. Forget Starbucks and Chipotle, we'd give anything for a hot water heater..... :)
Friday
They are officially ours.....almost....kinda.....soon
Today was our court date. At 10am we went into the courtroom (actually, it was the judge's office). It took about 90 minutes, during which time we 'presented our case', were asked many questions, and then heard from the directors of the Baby House and Children's Village. In the end, our adoption was approved!!!!!
So, as we stated earlier, every court ruling in KZ is not final until after a 15-day appeal period - so they are not 'offically' ours for another two weeks. During this time we just get to wait, and continue visiting. We also learned that our stay in KZ will be a little longer than we thought. Below is a new estimated timeline:
30 May - End of appeal period - adoption is final
1 June - We apply for the boys' KZ passports
10 June - We get their passports
11 June - We send their passports off to be registered by the KZ government
14 June - We fly to Almaty with the boys
15-16 June - We get them checked out by a US doctor, and get US visas for them
17 or 18 June - We fly home!!!!
Of course, this is only an estimate. ;)
To be honest, we were a little depressed when we learned that we'd be here a week or two longer than expected. We had been praying for a while that our stay would be short so that we could get home quickly with the boys. Obviously God has other plans. When we heard this, we humbly accepted this, but were still bummed about spending another 2 weeks without our kids. Then God stepped in. We were then told that if we wanted, we could take custody of Alex immediately. Yay!!! So we decided to give ourselves one last weekend alone, mainly to go buy clothes and get the apartment ready. Then on Monday we become parents! We are not taking custody of Ethan yet, since he is still in school for another week or so.
We are really viewing this as a blessing. We'll have two or so more weeks to get accustomed to 1 kid, and then we can break in the other. It should be fun raising these two kids in KZ, especially since we can barely order food at a cafe. :)
It should be an interesting next few weeks.....
So (drum roll), introducing....
Alex Timur Miller
And the new and improved Miller family
So, as we stated earlier, every court ruling in KZ is not final until after a 15-day appeal period - so they are not 'offically' ours for another two weeks. During this time we just get to wait, and continue visiting. We also learned that our stay in KZ will be a little longer than we thought. Below is a new estimated timeline:
30 May - End of appeal period - adoption is final
1 June - We apply for the boys' KZ passports
10 June - We get their passports
11 June - We send their passports off to be registered by the KZ government
14 June - We fly to Almaty with the boys
15-16 June - We get them checked out by a US doctor, and get US visas for them
17 or 18 June - We fly home!!!!
Of course, this is only an estimate. ;)
To be honest, we were a little depressed when we learned that we'd be here a week or two longer than expected. We had been praying for a while that our stay would be short so that we could get home quickly with the boys. Obviously God has other plans. When we heard this, we humbly accepted this, but were still bummed about spending another 2 weeks without our kids. Then God stepped in. We were then told that if we wanted, we could take custody of Alex immediately. Yay!!! So we decided to give ourselves one last weekend alone, mainly to go buy clothes and get the apartment ready. Then on Monday we become parents! We are not taking custody of Ethan yet, since he is still in school for another week or so.
We are really viewing this as a blessing. We'll have two or so more weeks to get accustomed to 1 kid, and then we can break in the other. It should be fun raising these two kids in KZ, especially since we can barely order food at a cafe. :)
It should be an interesting next few weeks.....
So (drum roll), introducing....
Ethan Artyom Miller
Alex Timur Miller
And the new and improved Miller family
Wednesday
Our Apartment
Below is a short video of our apartment. It's where we are calling home for 6+ weeks in KZ.
Sunday
Birds of a feather...
When your in a foreign county adopting, you quickly track down the other couples in town adopting. Below is a pic of some of the families we've met. On the left is Mary from Tennessee, who should be heading home this week with her daughter Julia. The other couple is Don and Jean from northern Virginia. They arrived after us, and are still bonding with their daughter Alia.
The pic was taken at an Uzbek restaurant.
Victory Day
On Sat. we got to celebrate Victory Day. Each year on May 9th, Kazakhstan (and the rest of the region) celebrates the Soviet Union's victory and the end of WWII. The day started out with a military parade and tribute to those locals still living who are WWII veterans. The day then was filled with music and performances at numerous venues in town, and concluded with a fireworks show.
I will say, it was kinda odd watching a victory parade celebrating the Soviet Union's victory. Indeed, they were our allies in WWII, but I'm not used to seeing red stars everywhere. Growing up, red stars signified 'the bad guys'. Boy have times changed....
Below are a few pics from the events.
Petro's 'eternal flame' memorial to the fallen soldiers of WWII:
Military parade:
Local WWII veterans:
All day musical performances:
I will say, it was kinda odd watching a victory parade celebrating the Soviet Union's victory. Indeed, they were our allies in WWII, but I'm not used to seeing red stars everywhere. Growing up, red stars signified 'the bad guys'. Boy have times changed....
Below are a few pics from the events.
Petro's 'eternal flame' memorial to the fallen soldiers of WWII:
Military parade:
Local WWII veterans:
All day musical performances:
Happy Mother's Day
We just wanted to send out a Happy Mother's Day to all those who are or one day will be called 'mom'.
We'd also like to send out a special Mother's Day wish to our mom's, Katherine and Ellen, who can now call themselves grandma. :) We love you both so much and are so thankful that we have such wonderful, caring mothers.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
We'd also like to send out a special Mother's Day wish to our mom's, Katherine and Ellen, who can now call themselves grandma. :) We love you both so much and are so thankful that we have such wonderful, caring mothers.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
Clever Boys
Bartering seems to be a huge thing with both our boys. We're not sure if it's a Kaz thing or they learned this in the orphanage but either way they have been pretty clever with the whole bartering thing. The first time we saw this was with Alex. He wanted to have the camera from Dave and when Dave said no he, quick as lighting, snatched Dave's sunglasses off his face and then offered them back in exchange for the camera. Amazing!
We've seen this bartering thing with both Alex and Ethan but the funniest was this past Friday. Ethan was playing with a toy and Alex decided he wanted to play with it and started trying to get it from Ethan. Well Ethan didn't want to give it to Alex but couldn't get him to stop asking for it. So, what did he do? Well, he very cleverly decided to buy off his younger brother with a 1 tenge coin (worth less than a penny) and it worked! Alex was so thrilled to have the money that he forgot all about the other toy.
Later on I needed to get the coin back from Alex because he kept putting it in his mouth and I didn't want him to choke on it. So, I put my hand out and asked for the money and he started to put it in my hand but at the last second changed his mind. I figured he needed a little incentive and went to grab an animal cracker to trade for the coin. I showed him the cracker and then asked for the coin again. Well, low and behold the little smarty-pants looked me dead in the eye and held up two fingers! I was blown away! Alex is no dummy and clearly saw an opportunity to get not one cracker but two and he wasn't going to settle for anything less. Needless to say I bought back the 1 tenge coin that is worth less than a penny for two animal crackers. What can I say, I'm a sucker and I figured if he was smart enough to figure that out, then he deserves two crackers.
We've seen this bartering thing with both Alex and Ethan but the funniest was this past Friday. Ethan was playing with a toy and Alex decided he wanted to play with it and started trying to get it from Ethan. Well Ethan didn't want to give it to Alex but couldn't get him to stop asking for it. So, what did he do? Well, he very cleverly decided to buy off his younger brother with a 1 tenge coin (worth less than a penny) and it worked! Alex was so thrilled to have the money that he forgot all about the other toy.
Later on I needed to get the coin back from Alex because he kept putting it in his mouth and I didn't want him to choke on it. So, I put my hand out and asked for the money and he started to put it in my hand but at the last second changed his mind. I figured he needed a little incentive and went to grab an animal cracker to trade for the coin. I showed him the cracker and then asked for the coin again. Well, low and behold the little smarty-pants looked me dead in the eye and held up two fingers! I was blown away! Alex is no dummy and clearly saw an opportunity to get not one cracker but two and he wasn't going to settle for anything less. Needless to say I bought back the 1 tenge coin that is worth less than a penny for two animal crackers. What can I say, I'm a sucker and I figured if he was smart enough to figure that out, then he deserves two crackers.
Friday
Building Trust
Just wanted to share some of the amazing progress we've seen in our kids in the last couple of days. When we started seeing some of the signs of RAD in Alex we did a little research and found an exercise that is supposed to help build trust. So, during snack time we've implemented this exercise which basically just entails some version of us feeding our kids (as opposed to them feeding themselves) and promoting physical contact during this "feeding." So, we each take a kid on our laps and then offer them food (mostly apples or bananas) that they eat while we hold them and talk to them. It's made an amazing difference in just a couple of days! Already, Alex is less frantic about grabbing the food for himself and he even tries to share his snack with us and with Ethan. The first time we tried it Alex was so squirmy and it was a real challenge to keep him from running off with the snacks but since then he really seems to enjoy this time with us. So, we are slowly building trust with our little guy and it is so rewarding to see even a little bit of progress.
It's also been interesting to learn some more about Ethan. We initially thought that because he was eight that he wouldn't want to be coddled too much or treated like a little kid but we were wrong. We started to notice that Ethan would act up everytime we started to overfocus on Alex and we realized that he's probably missed out on getting to be coddled and would probably eat it up. Bingo! Turns out our Ethan is a little cuddle-bug and we have made a concerted effort to make sure that one of us gives him some extra love if the other one is busy with Alex and it has made a world of difference. He just eats up every moment of focused attention from us. It so incredible to be learning about our kids personalities and to discover new things that make them just blossom.
It's also been interesting to learn some more about Ethan. We initially thought that because he was eight that he wouldn't want to be coddled too much or treated like a little kid but we were wrong. We started to notice that Ethan would act up everytime we started to overfocus on Alex and we realized that he's probably missed out on getting to be coddled and would probably eat it up. Bingo! Turns out our Ethan is a little cuddle-bug and we have made a concerted effort to make sure that one of us gives him some extra love if the other one is busy with Alex and it has made a world of difference. He just eats up every moment of focused attention from us. It so incredible to be learning about our kids personalities and to discover new things that make them just blossom.
Wednesday
Bonding Period Completed
Wednesday was our 14th and final day of the official bonding period! So, our translator submitted all the paperwork needed to petition the KZ court to adopt Ethan and Alex, and we just heard that we have a court date scheduled for May 15th!
After the 15th, the boys will 'almost' be ours. KZ law requires a 15 day appeal period for every court ruling, so we will have to wait for that. During this next week up to the court date and through the fifteen day appeal period we can continue to visit with our boys. We were hoping to get permission to take them both out for a special afternoon to lunch but we couldn't get permission to take Alex off the orphanage property. So, we will continue to visit the boys at the orphanage and we are praying that court goes well. After the court judgement and the appeal period, the boys will officially be ours! Yay! Then we'll just have approx. a week or week and a half left during which we go back to Almaty and get all the kids visas and passports squared away.
After the 15th, the boys will 'almost' be ours. KZ law requires a 15 day appeal period for every court ruling, so we will have to wait for that. During this next week up to the court date and through the fifteen day appeal period we can continue to visit with our boys. We were hoping to get permission to take them both out for a special afternoon to lunch but we couldn't get permission to take Alex off the orphanage property. So, we will continue to visit the boys at the orphanage and we are praying that court goes well. After the court judgement and the appeal period, the boys will officially be ours! Yay! Then we'll just have approx. a week or week and a half left during which we go back to Almaty and get all the kids visas and passports squared away.
Life in Petropavlovsk
Here are a few pics of the city we are calling home for 5+ weeks.
This is where we live. Our apartment building is the shorter one in the photo (sandwiched between the two taller ones). We are on the 4th floor (if you look closely, we are the only apartment with an air conditioner unit - not that we've ever used it).
This is a shot from our room of the street below.
And this an 'interesting' soviet-era mural on the side of a building.
Petro is a city of about 250,000. It's located in northern KZ, right near the Russian border. It's considered western siberia, and looks the part. It's May now, and the temp is in the 50's. The other day it even started to snow.
Most of the town is of Russian heritage. There is no tourism industry here, so there really is no one here who speaks English. This has been the biggest change for us. With all the traveling we've done, we are used to seeing at least some signs in English, and finding people who at least speak a little. Here there is absolutely no English, and since English and Russian do not use the same alphabet, transliteration is harder. In fact, we are only 2 of about 10 Americans in town. There are a few other couples here adopting, and we've heard of some Peace Corps people in town - other than that, no westerns.
So what do we do on a typical day? Well, it's pretty much groundhog day here. We wake up around 9am. We try to do a routine of exercising, quiet times, and reading in the morning. Around 3pm we are picked up to visit the boys. We get back around 7pm. We then eat dinner, and usually go play cards with a few other Americans that we've met. We then start it all over again the next day.
Oh yeah, we do have satellite TV, but it's all in Russian. Even the western shows (Discovery, MTV, Animal Planet) are dubbed. So we occasionally get our fix of watching kickboxing or MTV. Nothing like watching 'Pimp My Ride' in Russian. :)
We have a kitchen in our apartment, so we eat in most nights. There are a number of 'grocery stores' nearby - think Safeway, but 1/10th the size. A few times a week we go out - usually to a handful of restaurants that have picture menus.
As we said, we've met some American's here who are also adopting. We've grown close to Ethan and Mary, who are from Tennessee and are adopting a little girl (Julia). They are set to leave in a week. We also just met another couple from Northen Virginia, and hope to continue hanging out with them.
Well, that's it for now. We hope to upload some video of our apartment soon. Hope you like our version of a "virtual tour" :)
This is where we live. Our apartment building is the shorter one in the photo (sandwiched between the two taller ones). We are on the 4th floor (if you look closely, we are the only apartment with an air conditioner unit - not that we've ever used it).
This is a shot from our room of the street below.
And this an 'interesting' soviet-era mural on the side of a building.
Petro is a city of about 250,000. It's located in northern KZ, right near the Russian border. It's considered western siberia, and looks the part. It's May now, and the temp is in the 50's. The other day it even started to snow. Most of the town is of Russian heritage. There is no tourism industry here, so there really is no one here who speaks English. This has been the biggest change for us. With all the traveling we've done, we are used to seeing at least some signs in English, and finding people who at least speak a little. Here there is absolutely no English, and since English and Russian do not use the same alphabet, transliteration is harder. In fact, we are only 2 of about 10 Americans in town. There are a few other couples here adopting, and we've heard of some Peace Corps people in town - other than that, no westerns.
So what do we do on a typical day? Well, it's pretty much groundhog day here. We wake up around 9am. We try to do a routine of exercising, quiet times, and reading in the morning. Around 3pm we are picked up to visit the boys. We get back around 7pm. We then eat dinner, and usually go play cards with a few other Americans that we've met. We then start it all over again the next day.
Oh yeah, we do have satellite TV, but it's all in Russian. Even the western shows (Discovery, MTV, Animal Planet) are dubbed. So we occasionally get our fix of watching kickboxing or MTV. Nothing like watching 'Pimp My Ride' in Russian. :)
We have a kitchen in our apartment, so we eat in most nights. There are a number of 'grocery stores' nearby - think Safeway, but 1/10th the size. A few times a week we go out - usually to a handful of restaurants that have picture menus.
As we said, we've met some American's here who are also adopting. We've grown close to Ethan and Mary, who are from Tennessee and are adopting a little girl (Julia). They are set to leave in a week. We also just met another couple from Northen Virginia, and hope to continue hanging out with them.
Well, that's it for now. We hope to upload some video of our apartment soon. Hope you like our version of a "virtual tour" :)
Tuesday
Our Family & Friends
We just want say how much we appreciate all of our family and friends who are supporting us through this adoption process and into parenthood. It's a big, big adjustment and it really boosts our spirits to hear all your wonderful comments and encouragements! So, all that to say we really love and miss all of you and keep those comments coming. Thanks for reading our blog and getting excited for us. One of the things that is really heart-warming to think about is how much love these two boys are going to get lavished on them from each of our loving family members and friends. Thanks so much, we love and miss each of you!
Monday
RAD
RAD (or Reactive Attachment Disorder) is pretty common with toddler age kids who've done a stint in an orphanage. We've begun to see some small signs of it in our younger boy, Alex. Now, no need to worry, we were expecting this.
The last few days, we've noticed that Alex tends to horde the food we give him. He usually spends the 2 hours with us with both hands full of apples or crackers, and continues to ask for more. He also won't let us touch the food once we give it to him. Now, this is not because he's not being fed enough - the orphanage does a great job of feeding him - instead, it has more to do with a deep insecurity about being provided for. He also is overly-independent, and has trouble maintaining contact with Mom and Dad (unless it's playful). Now, this may sound like a normal 4 year old, but it's heightened with Alex. Both of these indicators are just a few examples of the trust issues he has, and something we will have to overcome over the years.
We've started to do a few small things while we are here to help. We 'try' to make Alex sit on our lap when he eats. He usually squirms the whole time. We did have a break-through today - Alex shared his snack with Dad - a first!!!
So please keep Alex in your prayers. Pray that he continues to attach to his new Mom and Dad in a healthy way, and that we continue to provide an environment where he can begin to trust us.
The last few days, we've noticed that Alex tends to horde the food we give him. He usually spends the 2 hours with us with both hands full of apples or crackers, and continues to ask for more. He also won't let us touch the food once we give it to him. Now, this is not because he's not being fed enough - the orphanage does a great job of feeding him - instead, it has more to do with a deep insecurity about being provided for. He also is overly-independent, and has trouble maintaining contact with Mom and Dad (unless it's playful). Now, this may sound like a normal 4 year old, but it's heightened with Alex. Both of these indicators are just a few examples of the trust issues he has, and something we will have to overcome over the years.
We've started to do a few small things while we are here to help. We 'try' to make Alex sit on our lap when he eats. He usually squirms the whole time. We did have a break-through today - Alex shared his snack with Dad - a first!!!
So please keep Alex in your prayers. Pray that he continues to attach to his new Mom and Dad in a healthy way, and that we continue to provide an environment where he can begin to trust us.
Honeymoon is over...
So, today we took a big step forward in parenting. Today was the first day both boys had meltdowns.
The bonding period in an international adoption is a tricky time. We spent the first week just being 'playmates' with our kids - trying to get to know them and pretty much letting them run the show. The second week we've begun trying to establish ourselves as the 'parents', which means discipline. Now, we aren't disciplining like you'd think, far too early for that. But the last few days we started saying 'no', and that has raised a few dilemmas.
Today during our visitation time, Ethan found some change in Dad's pocket and wanted to keep it. We said no. Alex wanted to go outside, but our time was up, so we said no. Both no's caused quite a meltdown for both boys. It was frustrating because we could not communicate with them to talk it out, and we couldn't really discipline them (how do you do that to a kid you met a week ago, in a confined room, when you only have 2 hours a day with them).
Today was hard for us. We are trying to walk a fine line between giving these amazing boys the love they so want, but also establishing ourselves as the authorities in their lives. It's turned out to be not an easy transition. It's even more difficult because we can't effectively communicate with them, and we are in an environment that we can't control (ie, we can just send them to there room or to timeout - we only have 2 hours with them). So each night we are continually re-strategizing how best to love these kids, play with them, and also gradually lay the groundwork for the future.
The bonding period in an international adoption is a tricky time. We spent the first week just being 'playmates' with our kids - trying to get to know them and pretty much letting them run the show. The second week we've begun trying to establish ourselves as the 'parents', which means discipline. Now, we aren't disciplining like you'd think, far too early for that. But the last few days we started saying 'no', and that has raised a few dilemmas.
Today during our visitation time, Ethan found some change in Dad's pocket and wanted to keep it. We said no. Alex wanted to go outside, but our time was up, so we said no. Both no's caused quite a meltdown for both boys. It was frustrating because we could not communicate with them to talk it out, and we couldn't really discipline them (how do you do that to a kid you met a week ago, in a confined room, when you only have 2 hours a day with them).
Today was hard for us. We are trying to walk a fine line between giving these amazing boys the love they so want, but also establishing ourselves as the authorities in their lives. It's turned out to be not an easy transition. It's even more difficult because we can't effectively communicate with them, and we are in an environment that we can't control (ie, we can just send them to there room or to timeout - we only have 2 hours with them). So each night we are continually re-strategizing how best to love these kids, play with them, and also gradually lay the groundwork for the future.
Sunday
Boys Will Be Boys
Well, Dave had his new perspective and I (Jaclyn) have had my own. It's not nearly as deep or insightful but I thought I'd share it anyway. So, my new perspective on motherhood came on Friday when we were playing with both boys at the playground. As the boys were running around they each managed to find themselves a stick to play with and, of course, Alex being the smaller boy, he had the bigger stick. A couple other neighborhood boys showed up and thus began a similar version of cops and robbers (only here it's Russians vs. Germans). So, as I watched my two boys and three other neighborhood boys running with pointed sticks, shooting each other with the sticks and then turning the sticks into swords and fencing, I had my epiphany. I am not just a mother now, but I am a mother of BOYS, which is an entirely different animal ;) Boys are constantly trying to climb up and then jump off of very high objects. Boys can turn almost anything into a gun or sword and nature exists to be destroyed. So, I have realized that there is a part of my brain that worries about safety and playing nicely that I'm just going to have to turn off and trust that God will keep my two boys safe in spite of their repeated attempts to defy gravity or their need to play with very sharp sticks. So, for all of you mothers of boys that are reading this, I have now officially joined the club of people who just walk around saying things like, "Don't do that...put down that stick...be careful...no, don't hit your sibling..." etc. So, I'm sure my two boys will keep me on my toes and I just hope that I'm not completely gray-haired by the time I get home ;)
Wednesday
A new perspective
As we were grappling last week with whether or not to adopt older children, Dave had a 'God moment'.
We were driving in the car to the children's village to visit with Ethan for the 2nd or 3rd time. We had already decided 100% that these were our kids, but Dave was still processing. When a couple decides to adopt internationally, every couple has to deal with the loss of not experiencing the first 6-12 months of their child's life. For us, that was something we did year's ago and had put behind us. However, when God led us to our kids here, we had to then process the loss of not experiencing 'toddlerhood' with our kids. This was something we both really struggled with early on. It lightened immensely after discovering our kids and falling in love with them. However, Dave was still processing those emotions.
Then came the God moment. As I sat in the back seat staring at the passing streets, it dawned on me that when I focused on the 'loss', my mind was filled with thoughts of 'What I wanted', 'What I will miss', 'What I longed for'. It was then that God reminded me that nothing in parenthood is about 'I'. It always annoyed me when I saw parents trying to meet their own needs through their kids, and yet here I was doing the same thing - and only 2 days into parenting! To truly be the parent that these kids need and deserve, I cannot be looking to fill my own needs, but rather to self-sacrificially give all that I have to these two boys of mine. It's about the boys, not me.
That's the example God set on the cross, and the one I need to emulate as a husband and father.
We were driving in the car to the children's village to visit with Ethan for the 2nd or 3rd time. We had already decided 100% that these were our kids, but Dave was still processing. When a couple decides to adopt internationally, every couple has to deal with the loss of not experiencing the first 6-12 months of their child's life. For us, that was something we did year's ago and had put behind us. However, when God led us to our kids here, we had to then process the loss of not experiencing 'toddlerhood' with our kids. This was something we both really struggled with early on. It lightened immensely after discovering our kids and falling in love with them. However, Dave was still processing those emotions.
Then came the God moment. As I sat in the back seat staring at the passing streets, it dawned on me that when I focused on the 'loss', my mind was filled with thoughts of 'What I wanted', 'What I will miss', 'What I longed for'. It was then that God reminded me that nothing in parenthood is about 'I'. It always annoyed me when I saw parents trying to meet their own needs through their kids, and yet here I was doing the same thing - and only 2 days into parenting! To truly be the parent that these kids need and deserve, I cannot be looking to fill my own needs, but rather to self-sacrificially give all that I have to these two boys of mine. It's about the boys, not me.
That's the example God set on the cross, and the one I need to emulate as a husband and father.
Dad's pocket full of trash
So, we've discovered Alex's favorite thing to do when at the playground. He scavenges for trash! That's right, our pride and joy spends most of our visitation time with him either digging in the sand pit or roaming the playground picking up trash. Mom and Dad are usually close behind trying to lay claim to the trash. By the end of the two hours, Dad usually has a pocket full of trash. Now where was this in our parenting classes.....
Tuesday
New Names
So, we think we've got new names for our kids. Drum role please......
The older brother..... Ethan (means 'Firm/Strong')
The younger brother...... Alex (means 'Protector of Mankind')
FYI-
This had no influence on our decision, but it's kinda funny. So, the two times we've been in KZ (2003, and now) - we've been here during the opening of the last two Terminator movies (3 & 4). So Dave is convinced that our kids will somehow fight off Skynet and the rest of the machines in the future. Their new names are fitting..... :)
The older brother..... Ethan (means 'Firm/Strong')
The younger brother...... Alex (means 'Protector of Mankind')
FYI-
This had no influence on our decision, but it's kinda funny. So, the two times we've been in KZ (2003, and now) - we've been here during the opening of the last two Terminator movies (3 & 4). So Dave is convinced that our kids will somehow fight off Skynet and the rest of the machines in the future. Their new names are fitting..... :)
Our first school play
We had a special treat today! We had an opportunity to go to the children's village and see the older brother in a kind of play about a Russian fable writer. It was so fun and even though we didn't understand much, we could tell that our boy had worked hard to memorize his lines. We might be biased but we thought he was the best one ;)
Brothers Again
April 24 -
Today was the first day that we got to re-unite the two brothers! They got separated approx. two years ago and haven't seen each other since. We first picked up the older brother and then took him with us to the baby house. We played inside today b/c it was cold outside. The older brother was really excited to see his little brother again and the younger one seemed shy at first but then we started playing and the two boys played really well together. It was another good day and so sweet to see the two brothers interacting. When we were getting ready to leave and we were walking the younger boy to his classroom, the older brother put his arm around the younger one and they walked together that way down the hall. It was very touching.
Today was the first day that we got to re-unite the two brothers! They got separated approx. two years ago and haven't seen each other since. We first picked up the older brother and then took him with us to the baby house. We played inside today b/c it was cold outside. The older brother was really excited to see his little brother again and the younger one seemed shy at first but then we started playing and the two boys played really well together. It was another good day and so sweet to see the two brothers interacting. When we were getting ready to leave and we were walking the younger boy to his classroom, the older brother put his arm around the younger one and they walked together that way down the hall. It was very touching.
A "Stupid American" Moment
Well, we had our first really embarrassing moment when we tried to do laundry. Our apt. has this tiny little washing machine that you can fit about three items in (more if its things like socks) and of course it's all in Russian, but we figure that it shouldn't be too difficult to work. So, we put our three items in and put some detergent in the little drawer for detergent, we pick what appears to be a cotton cycle and we pick a hot temperature and then there another set of choices that we just guess at and then we hit start. Well it seems to be working so we sit down to watch a movie and half-way through we hear our door-buzzer and someone is frantically beating on our door. We jump up and turn on the lights and notice that there is water all over the floor and we start to have a clue about why someone is frantically beating on our door. We open the door and there's this little old Russian lady who's talking very quickly and gesturing that water is pouring down on her. So, we try to apologize and let her know that we are going to take care of it and this is all mainly through gesturing b/c we don't speak a lick of Russian.
So, what was the cause of all of the drama? Well, the machine is in the bathroom and it gets it's water from a separate hose that's attached to the tub faucet. This part was fine b/c we just had to turn a knob to get the water into the machine. The problem came when the machine needed to empty all the water that it had used and we didn't realize that there was another hose that we needed to run from the back of the machine into the tub. When we started the wash it was going along fine and then it just started dumping the water all over the floor b/c we hadn't put the other hose into the tub. So that was our first real "Stupid American" moment :)
So, what was the cause of all of the drama? Well, the machine is in the bathroom and it gets it's water from a separate hose that's attached to the tub faucet. This part was fine b/c we just had to turn a knob to get the water into the machine. The problem came when the machine needed to empty all the water that it had used and we didn't realize that there was another hose that we needed to run from the back of the machine into the tub. When we started the wash it was going along fine and then it just started dumping the water all over the floor b/c we hadn't put the other hose into the tub. So that was our first real "Stupid American" moment :)
Sunday
The Process Begins
On April 22nd, we began the 14-day bonding period. We started off with visiting the younger brother at the baby house in the morning, then visiting the older brother at the children's village in the afternoon (after he returned from school). Unfortunately, we cannot post their names or pictures on the blog until they are legally ours. So we'll just have to keep that part as a surprise for later. :) Both visits go really well and we are starting to learn some things about the boys. The younger one loves to dig in the sandbox outside and the older one's favorite school subject is mathmatics and they are both fascinated by our camera and video camera.
We found them!
On Tuesday we met the older brother, and visited him for about 15 minutes. He, like his brother, is a beautiful, shy boy. We leave the children's village in a range of emotions. We definitely feel a connection with both boys, but they are both outside of what we were 'expecting' in ages. We came prepared to change diapers and use Cheerios as the main source of food - not attend PTA meetings.....
That afternoon we gave it all to God. We let go of all expectations, and again let him guide our hearts. By that evening we knew we had a match. We really were drawn to these two boys, and yet were scared out of our minds at the prospect of adopting older children. Yet, God moved. By the next morning, we were positive these were our kids.
It's hard to explain how we knew, or how our expectations had so suddenly changed. We woke up Monday morning intent on adopting a single child under age 2, and by Wednesday morning we were daydreaming about our 4 and 8 year old. God is amazing....
That afternoon we gave it all to God. We let go of all expectations, and again let him guide our hearts. By that evening we knew we had a match. We really were drawn to these two boys, and yet were scared out of our minds at the prospect of adopting older children. Yet, God moved. By the next morning, we were positive these were our kids.
It's hard to explain how we knew, or how our expectations had so suddenly changed. We woke up Monday morning intent on adopting a single child under age 2, and by Wednesday morning we were daydreaming about our 4 and 8 year old. God is amazing....
The Baby House
April 20th -
Today we met another sibling group. We first meet the younger child (age 4) at the baby house. He's a beautiful, shy little boy. We only meet him for a few minutes, but he has definitely caught our eye. Now off to visit his brother. He is age 8, and is located at the children's village in Petro. The children's village is a small compound of ~6 houses. Each house has about 6 children (ranging in ages from 7-18), and a 'house mom'. It's a great living arrangement, and apparently is reserved for those children who display academic aptitude.
We get to the village, but the older brother is away on a walk. We see a picture of him, but will have to come back the next day to meet him. While we were drawn to the younger brother, we both are still struggling with the concept of adopting a school-aged child. We just don't think we are ready for that. Another rough night....
Today we met another sibling group. We first meet the younger child (age 4) at the baby house. He's a beautiful, shy little boy. We only meet him for a few minutes, but he has definitely caught our eye. Now off to visit his brother. He is age 8, and is located at the children's village in Petro. The children's village is a small compound of ~6 houses. Each house has about 6 children (ranging in ages from 7-18), and a 'house mom'. It's a great living arrangement, and apparently is reserved for those children who display academic aptitude.
We get to the village, but the older brother is away on a walk. We see a picture of him, but will have to come back the next day to meet him. While we were drawn to the younger brother, we both are still struggling with the concept of adopting a school-aged child. We just don't think we are ready for that. Another rough night....
The Process
Below is a brief synopsis of how the adoption process works in Kazakhstan.
Step 1:
- Find your kids
Step 2:
- Spend 14 days visiting you kids. Each day needs to be documented via a log sheet and date-stamped photos. This is called the bonding period. Most Kazakh orphanages allow about 2 hours a day of visitation.
Step 3:
- After the bonding period, you can then petition the court to adopt. It takes about a week to get a court date. You can still visit your kids each day during visitation hours.
Step 4:
- After your court date, you then wait 15 days. This is an appeal period where members of the children's biological family can petition the court to stop the adoption. You can still visit your kids each day during visitation hours during this period.
- After the 15 day appeal period, the kids are yours. At that point you take custody of them.
Step 5:
- Once the kids are yours, you fly back down to Almaty. You then spend a few days at the American consulate. There you get the kids checked out by an embassy doctor, get US visas for the kids, and wrap up final paperwork for the US government.
Step 6:
- Fly home. Once the kids pass through US immigration at the airport, they are 100% US citizens.
Step 1:
- Find your kids
Step 2:
- Spend 14 days visiting you kids. Each day needs to be documented via a log sheet and date-stamped photos. This is called the bonding period. Most Kazakh orphanages allow about 2 hours a day of visitation.
Step 3:
- After the bonding period, you can then petition the court to adopt. It takes about a week to get a court date. You can still visit your kids each day during visitation hours.
Step 4:
- After your court date, you then wait 15 days. This is an appeal period where members of the children's biological family can petition the court to stop the adoption. You can still visit your kids each day during visitation hours during this period.
- After the 15 day appeal period, the kids are yours. At that point you take custody of them.
Step 5:
- Once the kids are yours, you fly back down to Almaty. You then spend a few days at the American consulate. There you get the kids checked out by an embassy doctor, get US visas for the kids, and wrap up final paperwork for the US government.
Step 6:
- Fly home. Once the kids pass through US immigration at the airport, they are 100% US citizens.
Kazakh Orphanages
From what we've learned, Kazakhstan breaks out orphanages into the following categories:
Age 0-4 -> Baby House (in Petro)
Age 5-7 -> Orphanage (at Paludina)
Age 7+ -> Boarding School (in Petro)
Gifted kids (7+) -> Children's Village (in Petro)
Age 0-4 -> Baby House (in Petro)
Age 5-7 -> Orphanage (at Paludina)
Age 7+ -> Boarding School (in Petro)
Gifted kids (7+) -> Children's Village (in Petro)
Friday
A bad weekend
Our first visit to the orphanage was perhaps one of the toughest days of our lives. We went about an hour outside the city, through the rural KZ countryside to a small village called Paludina. It is here that the orphanage for 4-7 year-olds is located. Within 10 minutes we are introduced to two young beautiful boys. We go on to play with them for about an hour.
Unfortunately, we knew instantly that these two boys were not ours. It's hard to explain why, but we just knew. Saying 'no' to two orphans was one of the toughest things we have ever done.
We went back to Paludina to visit another 5 orphans (no siblings). We played with them for about an hour, but again, we felt no connection to any of them. Saying goodbye to those kids was again an emotionally draining.
That wasn't the end though. Afterward, we were informed that there were no other children in our age range (under 5 and 2) available for adoption. Suddenly we were faced with the prospect of adopting two children whom we knew were not ours, or heading home alone. A third option would be to adopt a child much older than we were expecting.
We had the weekend to ponder this. That first weekend was perhaps one of the hardest of our lives. We wrestled through the 30+ hours with a range of emotions. Why did God abandon us? Why did he set our hearts one way, only to have reality dictate another? We desperately tried to trust that he could overcome any obstacle, but we couldn't see how? Were we wrong to desire the children we had 'expected'? Were we supposed to adopt from KZ? Were we cut out for adoption at all??
Needless to say, it was a rough two days of struggle with God. We knew in our heads thaat God is soveriegn over all, but we just couldn't see it. The government was adamant, therre were no other children within our age range available.
On Sunday night, we were informed that we would be meeting another sibling group (ages 4 and 8). We again had strong reservations. We just weren't ready for an older child. Were we?
Unfortunately, we knew instantly that these two boys were not ours. It's hard to explain why, but we just knew. Saying 'no' to two orphans was one of the toughest things we have ever done.
We went back to Paludina to visit another 5 orphans (no siblings). We played with them for about an hour, but again, we felt no connection to any of them. Saying goodbye to those kids was again an emotionally draining.
That wasn't the end though. Afterward, we were informed that there were no other children in our age range (under 5 and 2) available for adoption. Suddenly we were faced with the prospect of adopting two children whom we knew were not ours, or heading home alone. A third option would be to adopt a child much older than we were expecting.
We had the weekend to ponder this. That first weekend was perhaps one of the hardest of our lives. We wrestled through the 30+ hours with a range of emotions. Why did God abandon us? Why did he set our hearts one way, only to have reality dictate another? We desperately tried to trust that he could overcome any obstacle, but we couldn't see how? Were we wrong to desire the children we had 'expected'? Were we supposed to adopt from KZ? Were we cut out for adoption at all??
Needless to say, it was a rough two days of struggle with God. We knew in our heads thaat God is soveriegn over all, but we just couldn't see it. The government was adamant, therre were no other children within our age range available.
On Sunday night, we were informed that we would be meeting another sibling group (ages 4 and 8). We again had strong reservations. We just weren't ready for an older child. Were we?
On our way
April 14th - We board a United flight out of Dulles. After a 2 hour layover in Frakfurt, we'll be heading to Almaty.
April 16th - We land in Almaty on Thursday morning (roughly 1am local time). We meet our driver who takes us to a hotel in the city. We have a few hours to sleep, shower, and eat before we head back to the airport to catch our flight to Petropavlovsk. The power is out at the hotel when we get there. Good thing we packed a flashlight....
The flight to Petropavlovsk is something else. Everyone should get to experience flying an old twin-prop Russian plane. :)
We are met at the Petropavlovsk airport by our driver, Alexander, and our interpreter, Irina. It takes about 30 minutes to get to Petro. We unload our luggage at our new home for the next 5+ weeks (an apartment), and then head back out. We were able to get our interview with the Dept. of Education moved up to this afternoon.
The interview is quick and painless. Just a few standard questions. We now have permission to visit the orphanage the next day.
April 16th - We land in Almaty on Thursday morning (roughly 1am local time). We meet our driver who takes us to a hotel in the city. We have a few hours to sleep, shower, and eat before we head back to the airport to catch our flight to Petropavlovsk. The power is out at the hotel when we get there. Good thing we packed a flashlight....
The flight to Petropavlovsk is something else. Everyone should get to experience flying an old twin-prop Russian plane. :)
We are met at the Petropavlovsk airport by our driver, Alexander, and our interpreter, Irina. It takes about 30 minutes to get to Petro. We unload our luggage at our new home for the next 5+ weeks (an apartment), and then head back out. We were able to get our interview with the Dept. of Education moved up to this afternoon.
The interview is quick and painless. Just a few standard questions. We now have permission to visit the orphanage the next day.
The Call
April 9th 2009 - We got the call. Since late Feburary, we knew we were in a travel 'window' - which meant we could travel at any minute. Well, on Thursday we finally got the call we had been waiting 2 years for. They wanted us in KZ (Petropavlovsk) by friday, April 17th. Apparently we already had an interview scheduled that day with the KZ Dept. of Education. Since the only flights from Almaty to Petropavlovsk are on Tuesday and Thursdays, we had to be airborne by Tuesday in order to get to Almaty by Thursday morning.
So we spent the next few days wrapping up our stateside affairs and saying goodbye.
So we spent the next few days wrapping up our stateside affairs and saying goodbye.
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