Friday

Building Trust

Just wanted to share some of the amazing progress we've seen in our kids in the last couple of days. When we started seeing some of the signs of RAD in Alex we did a little research and found an exercise that is supposed to help build trust. So, during snack time we've implemented this exercise which basically just entails some version of us feeding our kids (as opposed to them feeding themselves) and promoting physical contact during this "feeding." So, we each take a kid on our laps and then offer them food (mostly apples or bananas) that they eat while we hold them and talk to them. It's made an amazing difference in just a couple of days! Already, Alex is less frantic about grabbing the food for himself and he even tries to share his snack with us and with Ethan. The first time we tried it Alex was so squirmy and it was a real challenge to keep him from running off with the snacks but since then he really seems to enjoy this time with us. So, we are slowly building trust with our little guy and it is so rewarding to see even a little bit of progress.

It's also been interesting to learn some more about Ethan. We initially thought that because he was eight that he wouldn't want to be coddled too much or treated like a little kid but we were wrong. We started to notice that Ethan would act up everytime we started to overfocus on Alex and we realized that he's probably missed out on getting to be coddled and would probably eat it up. Bingo! Turns out our Ethan is a little cuddle-bug and we have made a concerted effort to make sure that one of us gives him some extra love if the other one is busy with Alex and it has made a world of difference. He just eats up every moment of focused attention from us. It so incredible to be learning about our kids personalities and to discover new things that make them just blossom.

7 comments:

AA said...

Our 8 year old boy is a total cuddle bug. You might find that when he begins to socialize with friends he won't want to cuddle as much (in public), but they always want love and attention when they are just with family.

It is so nice to read your blog. I check it every day :o).

Gadget & Nicole said...

I just want you to know that Nicole and I check your blog every day. It is amazing to be sharing in all of this from so far away. We are really excited for you all and are looking forward to seeing you and meeting the kids when you return. How do I say "welcome home" in their language? I would like to learn a couple of phrases.

Cheers!

-gadget

Anonymous said...

That is so great, guys! What a simple little exercise to build trust and dependence on you! I can see why it would work and am so impressed that you tried it out. Some people would read that and think, "What a silly idea for kids that are old enough to feed themselves." However, quite the opposite. You have a unique situation in that you have to build the basic trust with the boys as a parent does with a baby when they are born. A baby cries, mom or dad feed them, they are comforted, their needs are filled, and they build that trust. Same with these little guys. No matter what age they are, they still need to know that you care about their basic needs and are going to make sure they are taken care of.

How great that Ethan wants to still have cuddle time! I tend to agree...I think we assume all to often that boys shy away from that as they get older and become "tough guys". I've found just the opposite with children I've known. The boys almost tended to be more on the cuddly side, craving as much extra attention as they could. How great that you have that time right now to provide that for them! It will really help them bond to you even more!

Love the daily stories! Thanks so much for keeping it up!! What a great idea from Gadget..you'll have to teach us all some common phrases to make them feel a little more at home when they arrive!! I can hardly wait!!!

Love you!
Julie

Emily said...

We are so glad that you guys have had some "break throughs" We have been praying for you guys and love checking the blog daily to see how things are going. I don't have anything profound to say, but just know that we are praying for both you guys and your boys. :-)

~Emily, Chris & Noah

kristen said...

I am so happy for you guys. I just realized this week how much Gabby still needs hugs. She is almost 10! So keep on giving him the love until he doesn't want it. It makes a huge difference in their day. Oh and boys are a whole different species. My day is consumed with bugs, dirty fingers, hitting and superheroes. It is a lot of fun. I will keep you in my prayers.
Kristen Gilbert

dooguls said...

i'll be sure to point out to your son that you referred to him as 'cuddlebug' when he's about 15. Maybe i can time it just right so that its in front of some girl... I know he'll relish the thought of it...;)
see you guys soon.

Anonymous said...

God is good! It's amazing when you see what a child really needs, and then compare that to what we really need from God. Not too much different! We're continuing to pray and are so excited about what God is showing you

Diane