A Great Tragedy

This is Jaclyn writing to let all of you know that I just recently found out that my father has died. This is a very difficult time for me right now and I could really use all of your prayers as I slowly process this tragedy in my life and at the same time continue to pour love into the lives of these two boys of whom I am now the mother. I want to now share a bit of the story of my father and I in an attempt to honor him and to give glory to God.

I have spent most of my life without any relationship with my father. We had some small contact every four or five years until 1995 when we lost touch permanently. We were estranged from each other until January of 2008. Throughout most of these years I harbored a deep-seated resentment towards my father and I was very angry with him for abandoning me. However, in spite of this resentment and anger I still had a yearning for a relationship with my father. It was this same yearning that led me to God and then eventually to Jesus. I had a huge hole in my heart and when I realized that Jesus had sacrificed himself so that I could have a relationship with the Father of all creation my heart began to be healed. It was in April of 1994 when I received Jesus and ever since that day God has been working in my heart so that one day I might be able to forgive my earthly father.

It wasn't until July of 2007 when my hardness of heart finally broke and I was able to fully forgive my father. I was preparing to lead a team of ten women to Jamaica on a missions trip to work with orphans when I felt convicted by God. I felt he spoke to my heart and asked me how I was able to travel to another country to share the good news of Jesus with complete strangers but I wasn't able to pick up the phone and speak to my own father. Well, it took me a while to process this and then it took some time to track down my father and then it took some time to build up the courage to actually make the phone call, but in January of 2008 I called my father. It was one of the scariest and yet most amazing things that I have done. My father received me with open arms and was so excited that I had called because he had found my address and had been trying to work up the courage to write me a letter. So, we started over with our relationship and I was very honest with him and I shared that I was only able to reach out to him because of the workings of the Holy Spirit in my life and that I was able to forgive him because I had been forgiven of my own sins through the sacrifice of Jesus. He never once took offense at anything I shared with him and we spent long hours talking about God and getting caught up on each other's life over the ensuing months. After several months of talking my father asked if he could come to visit me and so we made plans for him to visit in August of 2008. Unfortunately, he got sick and couldn't make it and so we had to reschedule but in October of 2008 my father and I finally saw each other after more than thirteen years of estrangement. Amazingly, it was during this same trip, after visiting our church with us, that my father received Jesus!

God's plan is amazing! I never could understand what purpose there could be in the lack of relationship between my father and myself but God used this very same wound to bring both of us to eternal healing. The wound in my own heart from abandonment paved the way for me realize how much I need a Saviour and the forgiveness that I offered to my father in spite of his failings is what paved the way for him to realize how much he needed a Saviour. I can now, more than ever, see how perfect God's timing is. I am deeply saddened by the loss of my father all over again but I am also filled with joy to know that this is just a temporary loss and that I will see my earthly father again in heaven. I sincerely wish that I could have had more time with my father but I am thankful that we spent the last year or so reconnecting and mending our relationship.

I truly appreciate all of your prayers and support during this difficult time and I would ask that you also pray for my father's family as they grieve, especially my two half-sisters. As it says in Romans 8, "the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." Thank you in advance for your prayers.