The below clip is Alex's audition for American Idol. All you VeggieTales fans out there will especially enjoy it. :)
Saturday
Step by Step
Well, little bit by little bit we are making our way through this long and arduous process. In case anyone was counting we reached the six week mark this past Thursday the 28th. We had hoped we would be home by now but it looks like it will be another three weeks. Good news is that as of today, the 30th, Ethan and Alex are officially ours according to Kazakhstan law. That means this week we can start all of the paperwork to get them new passports, visas, etc. We are also planning to take custody of Ethan on Wednesday and finally we will all be together.
So, for everyone who has offered us help in the form of hand-me-downs we are very excited to receive such help. Several of you have asked for sizes for clothes and shoes and have asked what else we might need so below is a cursory list of some forseeable needs. As best as we can figure, Ethan will fit into either 6T/7T or Small clothes and wears a size 4 to 4-1/2 shoe. Alex will fit into 3T clothes and wears a kids size 12-1/2 to 13 shoe.
What we need:
clothes; shoes; outdoor toys like balls, bats, skateboards, skooters, bikes, etc.; kids books; kids puzzles; indoor toys like legos, cars, etc.; swimming/pool stuff like floaties, inner tubes, etc.
We would like to thank all of you in advance and we really want to stress that we aren't asking for anything new! We are more than happy to accept hand-me-downs or other things that you were planning on getting rid off but we don't want people to buy us anything new.
Thanks again everyone, and please keep praying! Please pray that all the paperwork that needs to happen in the next three weeks gets done with no problems and as quickly as possible; pray for us as we bring Ethan to live with us and we start to really bond with him; pray for Ethan as he transitions from the Children's Village to our tiny apartment; pray for Alex as he transitions from being an only child to having his brother in the mix; pray for our sanity as we continue to wait for the ability to bring our two boys home to the US. We really miss home!
So, for everyone who has offered us help in the form of hand-me-downs we are very excited to receive such help. Several of you have asked for sizes for clothes and shoes and have asked what else we might need so below is a cursory list of some forseeable needs. As best as we can figure, Ethan will fit into either 6T/7T or Small clothes and wears a size 4 to 4-1/2 shoe. Alex will fit into 3T clothes and wears a kids size 12-1/2 to 13 shoe.
What we need:
clothes; shoes; outdoor toys like balls, bats, skateboards, skooters, bikes, etc.; kids books; kids puzzles; indoor toys like legos, cars, etc.; swimming/pool stuff like floaties, inner tubes, etc.
We would like to thank all of you in advance and we really want to stress that we aren't asking for anything new! We are more than happy to accept hand-me-downs or other things that you were planning on getting rid off but we don't want people to buy us anything new.
Thanks again everyone, and please keep praying! Please pray that all the paperwork that needs to happen in the next three weeks gets done with no problems and as quickly as possible; pray for us as we bring Ethan to live with us and we start to really bond with him; pray for Ethan as he transitions from the Children's Village to our tiny apartment; pray for Alex as he transitions from being an only child to having his brother in the mix; pray for our sanity as we continue to wait for the ability to bring our two boys home to the US. We really miss home!
Ethan's new clothes
The below story has probably happened to every parent, but I (Dave) thought I'd share it with you and my reflections on it.
Last weekend, we took Ethan to the 'mall' to buy him new clothes and shoes. He only has basically one outfit, so we wanted to spoil him with a new one (and he really needed new shoes). We spent a good half hour at the mall, spent $70+ on him, and he walked away with new shirts, pants, shoes, hat, socks, and underwear. He was beaming, and so was his Dad. That lasted about 2 minutes. Then we walked past a toy store, and of course, he had to have a certain toy. We said no, and he went from happy to moping and disgruntled. In that moment I was so mad. Didn't he know how much we've spent and what we've gone through to get to this point! Didn't he appreciate the brand new clothes we just bought him! And now all he cares about is some stupid toy! How ungrateful!!!
Later it dawned on me. I wonder how many times God feels the same way. He gives us so much, but at the first moment we don't get some trivial thing we want, we complain. We question His love, His compassion. We pull away and mope. We all do it. I've done quite a few times on this trip. Yet despite it, God continues to love us, provide for us, and protect us - something I need to remember as I parent.
Last weekend, we took Ethan to the 'mall' to buy him new clothes and shoes. He only has basically one outfit, so we wanted to spoil him with a new one (and he really needed new shoes). We spent a good half hour at the mall, spent $70+ on him, and he walked away with new shirts, pants, shoes, hat, socks, and underwear. He was beaming, and so was his Dad. That lasted about 2 minutes. Then we walked past a toy store, and of course, he had to have a certain toy. We said no, and he went from happy to moping and disgruntled. In that moment I was so mad. Didn't he know how much we've spent and what we've gone through to get to this point! Didn't he appreciate the brand new clothes we just bought him! And now all he cares about is some stupid toy! How ungrateful!!!
Later it dawned on me. I wonder how many times God feels the same way. He gives us so much, but at the first moment we don't get some trivial thing we want, we complain. We question His love, His compassion. We pull away and mope. We all do it. I've done quite a few times on this trip. Yet despite it, God continues to love us, provide for us, and protect us - something I need to remember as I parent.
Thursday
A Crisis of Faith
Thank you again for all of your support and prayers and emails and blog comments!!!! It means the world to us to have such strong support back home. We have felt your prayers lifting up our spirits and giving us new hope and refreshment and we have felt God moving in our hearts to reconfirm for us that these two boys are our sons. We still desperately need your prayers because we still have a long road ahead of us but we are certain that this is the road we are meant to travel. I (Jaclyn) want to share more detail about what has been going on so that you can have a better idea of how to pray specifically and so that you can better understand what we are facing.
First let me share what has been going on with me. When we started this whole process, we were both confident that God would lead us to our children and that we would feel a connection with them when we met them. Well, God was faithful and he did lead us to our children and we did feel that connection when we first met them and as we continued to meet with them. Unfortunately, I had an expectation that I didn't even realize I was holding onto. I expected to feel an initial connection and then to have that connection grow more and more each day. I knew that there would be hard times and that there would even be times that I felt that parenting was an impossible task but I expected to have this strong connection to fall back on. I never expected to doubt whether these were our kids or not. I expected to always FEEL that these are my children. Unfortunately, when things started to get difficult, my feelings about the situation changed and I took this as an indication that we had made a mistake. I had a crisis of faith and I forgot the past. I forgot about all of the miracles that we experienced along the way. I forgot about all the many times we saw God's face and felt his hands and heard his voice. I doubted our calling because of this expectation that I would always FEEL that these are my kids. What I had neglected to remember is that we are still in the process of bonding with our children. We are still almost strangers to them and them to us and creating a good strong lasting bond doesn't happen overnight or even over three weeks of seeing our kids for only two or three hours a day. We are still in the very beginning stages of bonding with our children and that means that I need to give myself, as well as them, time to adjust and time enough to really form these family attachments.
That's what's been going on with me but I am also seeing with new eyes what has been going on with Alex. Again, I had an expectation that ended up tripping me up. I was expecting the transition from the Baby House to our apartment to be difficult and when it wasn't I assumed that meant that Alex was doing good and that he would continue to do well. When things started deteriorating I thought he was just being obstinate and then when things got totally out of control I freaked out because I felt like this was never going to get any better and that Alex was just going to keep spiralling out of control. What I now see is that he is a very fragile little boy who is having a lot of conflicting emotions and a lot of change in his life and he doesn't know how to control his emotions. What he needs is a firm but gentle hand from people who are protecting him and assuring him that everything is going to be okay. What he got from us was anger, irritation, confusion and desperation. Thankfully, talking with our case worker, my mom and Ben & Janine gave us some new perspectives and new hope for the future.
So, we have turned a corner. This doesn't mean that things have gotten very much easier but we have some new tools in our parental tool belt and we are looking at the situation with fresh eyes. We could use prayer for the ability to successfully communicate to Alex that we are safe people for him; for Alex to be able to start to trust us; for Ethan to be able to understand why he isn't living with us yet when Alex is; for us to be able to build a good foundation for Alex so that when we do take custody of Ethan it isn't as stressful; for us to be able to pour out our love on Ethan and each give him some one on one time; and most of all for our sanity as we continue to live here in Kaz for three more weeks. Thanks again everyone, we love and miss all of our family and friends and desperately long to be back in the good 'ole US of A.
First let me share what has been going on with me. When we started this whole process, we were both confident that God would lead us to our children and that we would feel a connection with them when we met them. Well, God was faithful and he did lead us to our children and we did feel that connection when we first met them and as we continued to meet with them. Unfortunately, I had an expectation that I didn't even realize I was holding onto. I expected to feel an initial connection and then to have that connection grow more and more each day. I knew that there would be hard times and that there would even be times that I felt that parenting was an impossible task but I expected to have this strong connection to fall back on. I never expected to doubt whether these were our kids or not. I expected to always FEEL that these are my children. Unfortunately, when things started to get difficult, my feelings about the situation changed and I took this as an indication that we had made a mistake. I had a crisis of faith and I forgot the past. I forgot about all of the miracles that we experienced along the way. I forgot about all the many times we saw God's face and felt his hands and heard his voice. I doubted our calling because of this expectation that I would always FEEL that these are my kids. What I had neglected to remember is that we are still in the process of bonding with our children. We are still almost strangers to them and them to us and creating a good strong lasting bond doesn't happen overnight or even over three weeks of seeing our kids for only two or three hours a day. We are still in the very beginning stages of bonding with our children and that means that I need to give myself, as well as them, time to adjust and time enough to really form these family attachments.
That's what's been going on with me but I am also seeing with new eyes what has been going on with Alex. Again, I had an expectation that ended up tripping me up. I was expecting the transition from the Baby House to our apartment to be difficult and when it wasn't I assumed that meant that Alex was doing good and that he would continue to do well. When things started deteriorating I thought he was just being obstinate and then when things got totally out of control I freaked out because I felt like this was never going to get any better and that Alex was just going to keep spiralling out of control. What I now see is that he is a very fragile little boy who is having a lot of conflicting emotions and a lot of change in his life and he doesn't know how to control his emotions. What he needs is a firm but gentle hand from people who are protecting him and assuring him that everything is going to be okay. What he got from us was anger, irritation, confusion and desperation. Thankfully, talking with our case worker, my mom and Ben & Janine gave us some new perspectives and new hope for the future.
So, we have turned a corner. This doesn't mean that things have gotten very much easier but we have some new tools in our parental tool belt and we are looking at the situation with fresh eyes. We could use prayer for the ability to successfully communicate to Alex that we are safe people for him; for Alex to be able to start to trust us; for Ethan to be able to understand why he isn't living with us yet when Alex is; for us to be able to build a good foundation for Alex so that when we do take custody of Ethan it isn't as stressful; for us to be able to pour out our love on Ethan and each give him some one on one time; and most of all for our sanity as we continue to live here in Kaz for three more weeks. Thanks again everyone, we love and miss all of our family and friends and desperately long to be back in the good 'ole US of A.
Tuesday
Hope
First off, we want to THANK everyone who has been praying and thinking about us. Believe me, we have FELT it.
The last day and a half have been slightly better. Alex still has uncontrollable fits. He still screams for 30+ minutes straight, still hits, and now even bites (Dave has the scars to prove it). When he's doing good, he's an angel. When he's not, well.....
It now usually occurs just before nap time and bed time (no surprise) - and throughout the day at odd times. We've already had our neighbor come twice to ask if we were beating him - well intended, but not helpful.
The real miracle has been our ability to remain calm during his fits - something we didn't do over the weekend. Even when he's screaming bloody murder (and yelling Russian that we don't understand - and probably don't won't to), we've been able to not let it get to us, but continue to speak softly to him. Believe me, this is God alone enabling us to do it.
Our heart really hurts for Alex. When he's screaming, hitting, and biting us, we aren't taking it personally now. We can now see how all this rage is really directed at the cruelty that the world has dished out on this poor little one. So we continue to speak softly, love him, and pray for more patience.
Don't get us wrong, we are still very tired, pretty much at our limits, and still very much need your prayers. But, we feel we have passed a milestone. On Sunday night, we both were at the the brink of calling the whole thing off and coming home alone. Thanks to friends, family, and ultimately God, we feel we are passed that crisis. We know these are our kids, even if we don't 'feel' it all that much anymore.
To catch you up, this weekend we had both Ethan and Alex. Ethan really stepped up, played the role of a big brother, and was a true saint (despite his own fits). He went back to his orphange on Sunday night since he had his last day of school on Monday. We had intended on taking custody of him after that, but we've now decided to hold off a few days, perhaps another week. We just really need to give Alex our full attention to get him through this stage. We feel Ethan is old enough to understand this, and while it breaks our heart to not have him with us now, we hope it will be the best in the long run.
Thanks again for all your prayers - they TRULY are felt.
The last day and a half have been slightly better. Alex still has uncontrollable fits. He still screams for 30+ minutes straight, still hits, and now even bites (Dave has the scars to prove it). When he's doing good, he's an angel. When he's not, well.....
It now usually occurs just before nap time and bed time (no surprise) - and throughout the day at odd times. We've already had our neighbor come twice to ask if we were beating him - well intended, but not helpful.
The real miracle has been our ability to remain calm during his fits - something we didn't do over the weekend. Even when he's screaming bloody murder (and yelling Russian that we don't understand - and probably don't won't to), we've been able to not let it get to us, but continue to speak softly to him. Believe me, this is God alone enabling us to do it.
Our heart really hurts for Alex. When he's screaming, hitting, and biting us, we aren't taking it personally now. We can now see how all this rage is really directed at the cruelty that the world has dished out on this poor little one. So we continue to speak softly, love him, and pray for more patience.
Don't get us wrong, we are still very tired, pretty much at our limits, and still very much need your prayers. But, we feel we have passed a milestone. On Sunday night, we both were at the the brink of calling the whole thing off and coming home alone. Thanks to friends, family, and ultimately God, we feel we are passed that crisis. We know these are our kids, even if we don't 'feel' it all that much anymore.
To catch you up, this weekend we had both Ethan and Alex. Ethan really stepped up, played the role of a big brother, and was a true saint (despite his own fits). He went back to his orphange on Sunday night since he had his last day of school on Monday. We had intended on taking custody of him after that, but we've now decided to hold off a few days, perhaps another week. We just really need to give Alex our full attention to get him through this stage. We feel Ethan is old enough to understand this, and while it breaks our heart to not have him with us now, we hope it will be the best in the long run.
Thanks again for all your prayers - they TRULY are felt.
Sunday
Tough Week......Please Pray
Well, we wish this could be another fun post. To be honest, the last week has gone from complete bliss to an utter nightmare.
Over the last five days, Alex's behavior has become uncontrollable. All day long we are constantly bombarded with fits of rage, 30 minutes screaming sessions, him constantly hitting us, etc. Some of this is to be expected of an orphan due to all the change in his life - but this is ALOT more.
Honestly, we are spent. We are in a foreign land, trying to parent a very hurt little one, and our only disciplinary tool is the word 'no'. Nothing else seems to be working. We are without flesh-and-blood support. We are tired. We are almost done.....
Please pray for us. The next few days will be very important.....
Over the last five days, Alex's behavior has become uncontrollable. All day long we are constantly bombarded with fits of rage, 30 minutes screaming sessions, him constantly hitting us, etc. Some of this is to be expected of an orphan due to all the change in his life - but this is ALOT more.
Honestly, we are spent. We are in a foreign land, trying to parent a very hurt little one, and our only disciplinary tool is the word 'no'. Nothing else seems to be working. We are without flesh-and-blood support. We are tired. We are almost done.....
Please pray for us. The next few days will be very important.....
Thursday
Our Little Munchkin
I think we have mentioned how the weather here is crazy and it's been acting up again. For the past week and over the weekend it has been really warm, in the upper 70's to low 80's. We knew we would be getting custody of Alex on Monday and so we did our shopping for clothes for him on Saturday and Sunday. Given that it was really hot out we bought him all clothes for warm weather. Then on Monday on our way to get him we realized it had gotten a little colder, in the 50's, so we picked him up a sweatsuit. Well, it has continued to get colder and yesterday it rained all day. We can't stay inside with him because he goes stir crazy, so below are a couple of pictures of him dressed up in all of the clothes we bought him plus Mom's North Face vest and an umbrella that he insisted on holding himself. It was a riot! It was even cuter when we went to pick up Ethan and then he held the umbrella over himself and Alex and they walked together with Ethan's arm around Alex. They are both cute boys but nothing is cuter than seeing the two of them together! Anyway, the crazy weather continues and this morning on Alex's 4th birthday we woke up to snow! Can you believe it? It's the middle/end of May and it's only 40 degrees outside. No fear though, the forecast for tomorrow is in the high 60's and by the weekend it'll probably be in the high 70's low 80's again. Aaah, Petro :) But at least we have hot water again so we are in good spirits.
Tuesday
Boys & Cars
No surprise.... our boys like cars....
At least Ethan is no longer pointing a toy gun (which looks real) out the window and shooting every living thing as we drive....
Alex finally gets to ride in the car
Monday we REALLY became parents! We had the morning to ourselves and then off to the Baby House to pick up Alex. We brought new clothes to put him in (they were slightly too big) and then he was ready to go see big brother.
Next we drove to the Children's Village to visit Ethan. Alex was so excited to drive in the car and had a huge smile the entire ride. When we got to the Children's Village Ethan was so excited to show off his house to Alex and to show off his little brother to the other kids he lives with. Ethan immediately took on the big brother role and walked around the house with his arm around Alex. It was one of the sweetest, cutest moments between brothers. Later on, of course, they started fighting about toys, but in that moment it was like heaven :) After spending some time there we then took Alex home to our Petro apt. He was excited to be in the car again and kept asking about his "doma," which means home but when he actually saw the door to the stairwell he freaked out. He clearly did not like the look of this place, nor do we really, but once we got him inside the apt. he calmed down. We let him explore the place a bit and then we made dinner. Dinner went pretty well but he didn't eat much and we had to bribe him with candy to eat half a piece of broccoli. What is it with kids and vegetables? lol ;) After dinner it was time to go to bed and that went pretty well until we accidentally (we didn't know how to say goodnight in Russian) told Alex that Papa was leaving and he burst into tears. We quickly remedied that with a lot of "Papa ne paka," and big hugs and kisses. "Paka" is what you say when you are leaving, we meant it in the sense that Papa was leaving the room, but he took it as Papa was leaving forever. So, lesson learned and we have figured out how to say goodnight instead of goodbye.
Last little bit of our first day as parents, which we know many of you will appreciate, we are very very sleepy. Alex woke up at 6am yelling because he didn't know where he was. He calmed down pretty quickly when he saw us but then he was wide awake and didn't want to go back to sleep. So, for everyone who knows how much we like to sleep in, you can be assured that we will be sleeping in no longer. As one of the other adoptive parents here said to us, "Welcome to the world of parenthood." All in all, it went pretty well and we are so glad to have custody of Alex while we are waiting in this appeal period.
Below is a video of Alex's first night home. Of course, the 4-year-old loves the TV....
Next we drove to the Children's Village to visit Ethan. Alex was so excited to drive in the car and had a huge smile the entire ride. When we got to the Children's Village Ethan was so excited to show off his house to Alex and to show off his little brother to the other kids he lives with. Ethan immediately took on the big brother role and walked around the house with his arm around Alex. It was one of the sweetest, cutest moments between brothers. Later on, of course, they started fighting about toys, but in that moment it was like heaven :) After spending some time there we then took Alex home to our Petro apt. He was excited to be in the car again and kept asking about his "doma," which means home but when he actually saw the door to the stairwell he freaked out. He clearly did not like the look of this place, nor do we really, but once we got him inside the apt. he calmed down. We let him explore the place a bit and then we made dinner. Dinner went pretty well but he didn't eat much and we had to bribe him with candy to eat half a piece of broccoli. What is it with kids and vegetables? lol ;) After dinner it was time to go to bed and that went pretty well until we accidentally (we didn't know how to say goodnight in Russian) told Alex that Papa was leaving and he burst into tears. We quickly remedied that with a lot of "Papa ne paka," and big hugs and kisses. "Paka" is what you say when you are leaving, we meant it in the sense that Papa was leaving the room, but he took it as Papa was leaving forever. So, lesson learned and we have figured out how to say goodnight instead of goodbye.
Last little bit of our first day as parents, which we know many of you will appreciate, we are very very sleepy. Alex woke up at 6am yelling because he didn't know where he was. He calmed down pretty quickly when he saw us but then he was wide awake and didn't want to go back to sleep. So, for everyone who knows how much we like to sleep in, you can be assured that we will be sleeping in no longer. As one of the other adoptive parents here said to us, "Welcome to the world of parenthood." All in all, it went pretty well and we are so glad to have custody of Alex while we are waiting in this appeal period.
Below is a video of Alex's first night home. Of course, the 4-year-old loves the TV....
Saturday
Why Communism Failed
So, when we first got here, we learned that all of Petro is heated centrally, meaning that they create all the hot air in one place, then pump it all throughout the city. At some point this month they will shut it off - no worries, it has been in the 80's here the last week, we've just had the windows opened and watched all that hot air go outside (very efficient!). So, think of that old apartment building you lived in where the management controlled when you had heat or air conditioning - but for the whole city! I guess this is a hold-over from the soviet era - everyone equal, right.
Well, yesterday (our day in court), we discovered we had no hot water. We later learned that the ENTIRE city receives it's hot water centrally, just like heating. Apparently the city has 'run out of hot water', and won't have any till June. Yep, that's right, Petro will soon be thriving with 250,000 very stinky people.
So, we've resorted to heating water on our little oven, and taking quasi-sponge showers every other day. Should be interesting....
So, centralized heating and hot water - another reason why communism failed. Forget Starbucks and Chipotle, we'd give anything for a hot water heater..... :)
Well, yesterday (our day in court), we discovered we had no hot water. We later learned that the ENTIRE city receives it's hot water centrally, just like heating. Apparently the city has 'run out of hot water', and won't have any till June. Yep, that's right, Petro will soon be thriving with 250,000 very stinky people.
So, we've resorted to heating water on our little oven, and taking quasi-sponge showers every other day. Should be interesting....
So, centralized heating and hot water - another reason why communism failed. Forget Starbucks and Chipotle, we'd give anything for a hot water heater..... :)
Friday
They are officially ours.....almost....kinda.....soon
Today was our court date. At 10am we went into the courtroom (actually, it was the judge's office). It took about 90 minutes, during which time we 'presented our case', were asked many questions, and then heard from the directors of the Baby House and Children's Village. In the end, our adoption was approved!!!!!
So, as we stated earlier, every court ruling in KZ is not final until after a 15-day appeal period - so they are not 'offically' ours for another two weeks. During this time we just get to wait, and continue visiting. We also learned that our stay in KZ will be a little longer than we thought. Below is a new estimated timeline:
30 May - End of appeal period - adoption is final
1 June - We apply for the boys' KZ passports
10 June - We get their passports
11 June - We send their passports off to be registered by the KZ government
14 June - We fly to Almaty with the boys
15-16 June - We get them checked out by a US doctor, and get US visas for them
17 or 18 June - We fly home!!!!
Of course, this is only an estimate. ;)
To be honest, we were a little depressed when we learned that we'd be here a week or two longer than expected. We had been praying for a while that our stay would be short so that we could get home quickly with the boys. Obviously God has other plans. When we heard this, we humbly accepted this, but were still bummed about spending another 2 weeks without our kids. Then God stepped in. We were then told that if we wanted, we could take custody of Alex immediately. Yay!!! So we decided to give ourselves one last weekend alone, mainly to go buy clothes and get the apartment ready. Then on Monday we become parents! We are not taking custody of Ethan yet, since he is still in school for another week or so.
We are really viewing this as a blessing. We'll have two or so more weeks to get accustomed to 1 kid, and then we can break in the other. It should be fun raising these two kids in KZ, especially since we can barely order food at a cafe. :)
It should be an interesting next few weeks.....
So (drum roll), introducing....
Alex Timur Miller
And the new and improved Miller family
So, as we stated earlier, every court ruling in KZ is not final until after a 15-day appeal period - so they are not 'offically' ours for another two weeks. During this time we just get to wait, and continue visiting. We also learned that our stay in KZ will be a little longer than we thought. Below is a new estimated timeline:
30 May - End of appeal period - adoption is final
1 June - We apply for the boys' KZ passports
10 June - We get their passports
11 June - We send their passports off to be registered by the KZ government
14 June - We fly to Almaty with the boys
15-16 June - We get them checked out by a US doctor, and get US visas for them
17 or 18 June - We fly home!!!!
Of course, this is only an estimate. ;)
To be honest, we were a little depressed when we learned that we'd be here a week or two longer than expected. We had been praying for a while that our stay would be short so that we could get home quickly with the boys. Obviously God has other plans. When we heard this, we humbly accepted this, but were still bummed about spending another 2 weeks without our kids. Then God stepped in. We were then told that if we wanted, we could take custody of Alex immediately. Yay!!! So we decided to give ourselves one last weekend alone, mainly to go buy clothes and get the apartment ready. Then on Monday we become parents! We are not taking custody of Ethan yet, since he is still in school for another week or so.
We are really viewing this as a blessing. We'll have two or so more weeks to get accustomed to 1 kid, and then we can break in the other. It should be fun raising these two kids in KZ, especially since we can barely order food at a cafe. :)
It should be an interesting next few weeks.....
So (drum roll), introducing....
Ethan Artyom Miller
Alex Timur Miller
And the new and improved Miller family
Wednesday
Our Apartment
Below is a short video of our apartment. It's where we are calling home for 6+ weeks in KZ.
Sunday
Birds of a feather...
When your in a foreign county adopting, you quickly track down the other couples in town adopting. Below is a pic of some of the families we've met. On the left is Mary from Tennessee, who should be heading home this week with her daughter Julia. The other couple is Don and Jean from northern Virginia. They arrived after us, and are still bonding with their daughter Alia.
The pic was taken at an Uzbek restaurant.
Victory Day
On Sat. we got to celebrate Victory Day. Each year on May 9th, Kazakhstan (and the rest of the region) celebrates the Soviet Union's victory and the end of WWII. The day started out with a military parade and tribute to those locals still living who are WWII veterans. The day then was filled with music and performances at numerous venues in town, and concluded with a fireworks show.
I will say, it was kinda odd watching a victory parade celebrating the Soviet Union's victory. Indeed, they were our allies in WWII, but I'm not used to seeing red stars everywhere. Growing up, red stars signified 'the bad guys'. Boy have times changed....
Below are a few pics from the events.
Petro's 'eternal flame' memorial to the fallen soldiers of WWII:
Military parade:
Local WWII veterans:
All day musical performances:
I will say, it was kinda odd watching a victory parade celebrating the Soviet Union's victory. Indeed, they were our allies in WWII, but I'm not used to seeing red stars everywhere. Growing up, red stars signified 'the bad guys'. Boy have times changed....
Below are a few pics from the events.
Petro's 'eternal flame' memorial to the fallen soldiers of WWII:
Military parade:
Local WWII veterans:
All day musical performances:
Happy Mother's Day
We just wanted to send out a Happy Mother's Day to all those who are or one day will be called 'mom'.
We'd also like to send out a special Mother's Day wish to our mom's, Katherine and Ellen, who can now call themselves grandma. :) We love you both so much and are so thankful that we have such wonderful, caring mothers.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
We'd also like to send out a special Mother's Day wish to our mom's, Katherine and Ellen, who can now call themselves grandma. :) We love you both so much and are so thankful that we have such wonderful, caring mothers.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
Clever Boys
Bartering seems to be a huge thing with both our boys. We're not sure if it's a Kaz thing or they learned this in the orphanage but either way they have been pretty clever with the whole bartering thing. The first time we saw this was with Alex. He wanted to have the camera from Dave and when Dave said no he, quick as lighting, snatched Dave's sunglasses off his face and then offered them back in exchange for the camera. Amazing!
We've seen this bartering thing with both Alex and Ethan but the funniest was this past Friday. Ethan was playing with a toy and Alex decided he wanted to play with it and started trying to get it from Ethan. Well Ethan didn't want to give it to Alex but couldn't get him to stop asking for it. So, what did he do? Well, he very cleverly decided to buy off his younger brother with a 1 tenge coin (worth less than a penny) and it worked! Alex was so thrilled to have the money that he forgot all about the other toy.
Later on I needed to get the coin back from Alex because he kept putting it in his mouth and I didn't want him to choke on it. So, I put my hand out and asked for the money and he started to put it in my hand but at the last second changed his mind. I figured he needed a little incentive and went to grab an animal cracker to trade for the coin. I showed him the cracker and then asked for the coin again. Well, low and behold the little smarty-pants looked me dead in the eye and held up two fingers! I was blown away! Alex is no dummy and clearly saw an opportunity to get not one cracker but two and he wasn't going to settle for anything less. Needless to say I bought back the 1 tenge coin that is worth less than a penny for two animal crackers. What can I say, I'm a sucker and I figured if he was smart enough to figure that out, then he deserves two crackers.
We've seen this bartering thing with both Alex and Ethan but the funniest was this past Friday. Ethan was playing with a toy and Alex decided he wanted to play with it and started trying to get it from Ethan. Well Ethan didn't want to give it to Alex but couldn't get him to stop asking for it. So, what did he do? Well, he very cleverly decided to buy off his younger brother with a 1 tenge coin (worth less than a penny) and it worked! Alex was so thrilled to have the money that he forgot all about the other toy.
Later on I needed to get the coin back from Alex because he kept putting it in his mouth and I didn't want him to choke on it. So, I put my hand out and asked for the money and he started to put it in my hand but at the last second changed his mind. I figured he needed a little incentive and went to grab an animal cracker to trade for the coin. I showed him the cracker and then asked for the coin again. Well, low and behold the little smarty-pants looked me dead in the eye and held up two fingers! I was blown away! Alex is no dummy and clearly saw an opportunity to get not one cracker but two and he wasn't going to settle for anything less. Needless to say I bought back the 1 tenge coin that is worth less than a penny for two animal crackers. What can I say, I'm a sucker and I figured if he was smart enough to figure that out, then he deserves two crackers.
Friday
Building Trust
Just wanted to share some of the amazing progress we've seen in our kids in the last couple of days. When we started seeing some of the signs of RAD in Alex we did a little research and found an exercise that is supposed to help build trust. So, during snack time we've implemented this exercise which basically just entails some version of us feeding our kids (as opposed to them feeding themselves) and promoting physical contact during this "feeding." So, we each take a kid on our laps and then offer them food (mostly apples or bananas) that they eat while we hold them and talk to them. It's made an amazing difference in just a couple of days! Already, Alex is less frantic about grabbing the food for himself and he even tries to share his snack with us and with Ethan. The first time we tried it Alex was so squirmy and it was a real challenge to keep him from running off with the snacks but since then he really seems to enjoy this time with us. So, we are slowly building trust with our little guy and it is so rewarding to see even a little bit of progress.
It's also been interesting to learn some more about Ethan. We initially thought that because he was eight that he wouldn't want to be coddled too much or treated like a little kid but we were wrong. We started to notice that Ethan would act up everytime we started to overfocus on Alex and we realized that he's probably missed out on getting to be coddled and would probably eat it up. Bingo! Turns out our Ethan is a little cuddle-bug and we have made a concerted effort to make sure that one of us gives him some extra love if the other one is busy with Alex and it has made a world of difference. He just eats up every moment of focused attention from us. It so incredible to be learning about our kids personalities and to discover new things that make them just blossom.
It's also been interesting to learn some more about Ethan. We initially thought that because he was eight that he wouldn't want to be coddled too much or treated like a little kid but we were wrong. We started to notice that Ethan would act up everytime we started to overfocus on Alex and we realized that he's probably missed out on getting to be coddled and would probably eat it up. Bingo! Turns out our Ethan is a little cuddle-bug and we have made a concerted effort to make sure that one of us gives him some extra love if the other one is busy with Alex and it has made a world of difference. He just eats up every moment of focused attention from us. It so incredible to be learning about our kids personalities and to discover new things that make them just blossom.
Wednesday
Bonding Period Completed
Wednesday was our 14th and final day of the official bonding period! So, our translator submitted all the paperwork needed to petition the KZ court to adopt Ethan and Alex, and we just heard that we have a court date scheduled for May 15th!
After the 15th, the boys will 'almost' be ours. KZ law requires a 15 day appeal period for every court ruling, so we will have to wait for that. During this next week up to the court date and through the fifteen day appeal period we can continue to visit with our boys. We were hoping to get permission to take them both out for a special afternoon to lunch but we couldn't get permission to take Alex off the orphanage property. So, we will continue to visit the boys at the orphanage and we are praying that court goes well. After the court judgement and the appeal period, the boys will officially be ours! Yay! Then we'll just have approx. a week or week and a half left during which we go back to Almaty and get all the kids visas and passports squared away.
After the 15th, the boys will 'almost' be ours. KZ law requires a 15 day appeal period for every court ruling, so we will have to wait for that. During this next week up to the court date and through the fifteen day appeal period we can continue to visit with our boys. We were hoping to get permission to take them both out for a special afternoon to lunch but we couldn't get permission to take Alex off the orphanage property. So, we will continue to visit the boys at the orphanage and we are praying that court goes well. After the court judgement and the appeal period, the boys will officially be ours! Yay! Then we'll just have approx. a week or week and a half left during which we go back to Almaty and get all the kids visas and passports squared away.
Life in Petropavlovsk
Here are a few pics of the city we are calling home for 5+ weeks.
This is where we live. Our apartment building is the shorter one in the photo (sandwiched between the two taller ones). We are on the 4th floor (if you look closely, we are the only apartment with an air conditioner unit - not that we've ever used it).
This is a shot from our room of the street below.
And this an 'interesting' soviet-era mural on the side of a building.
Petro is a city of about 250,000. It's located in northern KZ, right near the Russian border. It's considered western siberia, and looks the part. It's May now, and the temp is in the 50's. The other day it even started to snow.
Most of the town is of Russian heritage. There is no tourism industry here, so there really is no one here who speaks English. This has been the biggest change for us. With all the traveling we've done, we are used to seeing at least some signs in English, and finding people who at least speak a little. Here there is absolutely no English, and since English and Russian do not use the same alphabet, transliteration is harder. In fact, we are only 2 of about 10 Americans in town. There are a few other couples here adopting, and we've heard of some Peace Corps people in town - other than that, no westerns.
So what do we do on a typical day? Well, it's pretty much groundhog day here. We wake up around 9am. We try to do a routine of exercising, quiet times, and reading in the morning. Around 3pm we are picked up to visit the boys. We get back around 7pm. We then eat dinner, and usually go play cards with a few other Americans that we've met. We then start it all over again the next day.
Oh yeah, we do have satellite TV, but it's all in Russian. Even the western shows (Discovery, MTV, Animal Planet) are dubbed. So we occasionally get our fix of watching kickboxing or MTV. Nothing like watching 'Pimp My Ride' in Russian. :)
We have a kitchen in our apartment, so we eat in most nights. There are a number of 'grocery stores' nearby - think Safeway, but 1/10th the size. A few times a week we go out - usually to a handful of restaurants that have picture menus.
As we said, we've met some American's here who are also adopting. We've grown close to Ethan and Mary, who are from Tennessee and are adopting a little girl (Julia). They are set to leave in a week. We also just met another couple from Northen Virginia, and hope to continue hanging out with them.
Well, that's it for now. We hope to upload some video of our apartment soon. Hope you like our version of a "virtual tour" :)
This is where we live. Our apartment building is the shorter one in the photo (sandwiched between the two taller ones). We are on the 4th floor (if you look closely, we are the only apartment with an air conditioner unit - not that we've ever used it).
This is a shot from our room of the street below.
And this an 'interesting' soviet-era mural on the side of a building.
Petro is a city of about 250,000. It's located in northern KZ, right near the Russian border. It's considered western siberia, and looks the part. It's May now, and the temp is in the 50's. The other day it even started to snow. Most of the town is of Russian heritage. There is no tourism industry here, so there really is no one here who speaks English. This has been the biggest change for us. With all the traveling we've done, we are used to seeing at least some signs in English, and finding people who at least speak a little. Here there is absolutely no English, and since English and Russian do not use the same alphabet, transliteration is harder. In fact, we are only 2 of about 10 Americans in town. There are a few other couples here adopting, and we've heard of some Peace Corps people in town - other than that, no westerns.
So what do we do on a typical day? Well, it's pretty much groundhog day here. We wake up around 9am. We try to do a routine of exercising, quiet times, and reading in the morning. Around 3pm we are picked up to visit the boys. We get back around 7pm. We then eat dinner, and usually go play cards with a few other Americans that we've met. We then start it all over again the next day.
Oh yeah, we do have satellite TV, but it's all in Russian. Even the western shows (Discovery, MTV, Animal Planet) are dubbed. So we occasionally get our fix of watching kickboxing or MTV. Nothing like watching 'Pimp My Ride' in Russian. :)
We have a kitchen in our apartment, so we eat in most nights. There are a number of 'grocery stores' nearby - think Safeway, but 1/10th the size. A few times a week we go out - usually to a handful of restaurants that have picture menus.
As we said, we've met some American's here who are also adopting. We've grown close to Ethan and Mary, who are from Tennessee and are adopting a little girl (Julia). They are set to leave in a week. We also just met another couple from Northen Virginia, and hope to continue hanging out with them.
Well, that's it for now. We hope to upload some video of our apartment soon. Hope you like our version of a "virtual tour" :)
Tuesday
Our Family & Friends
We just want say how much we appreciate all of our family and friends who are supporting us through this adoption process and into parenthood. It's a big, big adjustment and it really boosts our spirits to hear all your wonderful comments and encouragements! So, all that to say we really love and miss all of you and keep those comments coming. Thanks for reading our blog and getting excited for us. One of the things that is really heart-warming to think about is how much love these two boys are going to get lavished on them from each of our loving family members and friends. Thanks so much, we love and miss each of you!
Monday
RAD
RAD (or Reactive Attachment Disorder) is pretty common with toddler age kids who've done a stint in an orphanage. We've begun to see some small signs of it in our younger boy, Alex. Now, no need to worry, we were expecting this.
The last few days, we've noticed that Alex tends to horde the food we give him. He usually spends the 2 hours with us with both hands full of apples or crackers, and continues to ask for more. He also won't let us touch the food once we give it to him. Now, this is not because he's not being fed enough - the orphanage does a great job of feeding him - instead, it has more to do with a deep insecurity about being provided for. He also is overly-independent, and has trouble maintaining contact with Mom and Dad (unless it's playful). Now, this may sound like a normal 4 year old, but it's heightened with Alex. Both of these indicators are just a few examples of the trust issues he has, and something we will have to overcome over the years.
We've started to do a few small things while we are here to help. We 'try' to make Alex sit on our lap when he eats. He usually squirms the whole time. We did have a break-through today - Alex shared his snack with Dad - a first!!!
So please keep Alex in your prayers. Pray that he continues to attach to his new Mom and Dad in a healthy way, and that we continue to provide an environment where he can begin to trust us.
The last few days, we've noticed that Alex tends to horde the food we give him. He usually spends the 2 hours with us with both hands full of apples or crackers, and continues to ask for more. He also won't let us touch the food once we give it to him. Now, this is not because he's not being fed enough - the orphanage does a great job of feeding him - instead, it has more to do with a deep insecurity about being provided for. He also is overly-independent, and has trouble maintaining contact with Mom and Dad (unless it's playful). Now, this may sound like a normal 4 year old, but it's heightened with Alex. Both of these indicators are just a few examples of the trust issues he has, and something we will have to overcome over the years.
We've started to do a few small things while we are here to help. We 'try' to make Alex sit on our lap when he eats. He usually squirms the whole time. We did have a break-through today - Alex shared his snack with Dad - a first!!!
So please keep Alex in your prayers. Pray that he continues to attach to his new Mom and Dad in a healthy way, and that we continue to provide an environment where he can begin to trust us.
Honeymoon is over...
So, today we took a big step forward in parenting. Today was the first day both boys had meltdowns.
The bonding period in an international adoption is a tricky time. We spent the first week just being 'playmates' with our kids - trying to get to know them and pretty much letting them run the show. The second week we've begun trying to establish ourselves as the 'parents', which means discipline. Now, we aren't disciplining like you'd think, far too early for that. But the last few days we started saying 'no', and that has raised a few dilemmas.
Today during our visitation time, Ethan found some change in Dad's pocket and wanted to keep it. We said no. Alex wanted to go outside, but our time was up, so we said no. Both no's caused quite a meltdown for both boys. It was frustrating because we could not communicate with them to talk it out, and we couldn't really discipline them (how do you do that to a kid you met a week ago, in a confined room, when you only have 2 hours a day with them).
Today was hard for us. We are trying to walk a fine line between giving these amazing boys the love they so want, but also establishing ourselves as the authorities in their lives. It's turned out to be not an easy transition. It's even more difficult because we can't effectively communicate with them, and we are in an environment that we can't control (ie, we can just send them to there room or to timeout - we only have 2 hours with them). So each night we are continually re-strategizing how best to love these kids, play with them, and also gradually lay the groundwork for the future.
The bonding period in an international adoption is a tricky time. We spent the first week just being 'playmates' with our kids - trying to get to know them and pretty much letting them run the show. The second week we've begun trying to establish ourselves as the 'parents', which means discipline. Now, we aren't disciplining like you'd think, far too early for that. But the last few days we started saying 'no', and that has raised a few dilemmas.
Today during our visitation time, Ethan found some change in Dad's pocket and wanted to keep it. We said no. Alex wanted to go outside, but our time was up, so we said no. Both no's caused quite a meltdown for both boys. It was frustrating because we could not communicate with them to talk it out, and we couldn't really discipline them (how do you do that to a kid you met a week ago, in a confined room, when you only have 2 hours a day with them).
Today was hard for us. We are trying to walk a fine line between giving these amazing boys the love they so want, but also establishing ourselves as the authorities in their lives. It's turned out to be not an easy transition. It's even more difficult because we can't effectively communicate with them, and we are in an environment that we can't control (ie, we can just send them to there room or to timeout - we only have 2 hours with them). So each night we are continually re-strategizing how best to love these kids, play with them, and also gradually lay the groundwork for the future.
Sunday
Boys Will Be Boys
Well, Dave had his new perspective and I (Jaclyn) have had my own. It's not nearly as deep or insightful but I thought I'd share it anyway. So, my new perspective on motherhood came on Friday when we were playing with both boys at the playground. As the boys were running around they each managed to find themselves a stick to play with and, of course, Alex being the smaller boy, he had the bigger stick. A couple other neighborhood boys showed up and thus began a similar version of cops and robbers (only here it's Russians vs. Germans). So, as I watched my two boys and three other neighborhood boys running with pointed sticks, shooting each other with the sticks and then turning the sticks into swords and fencing, I had my epiphany. I am not just a mother now, but I am a mother of BOYS, which is an entirely different animal ;) Boys are constantly trying to climb up and then jump off of very high objects. Boys can turn almost anything into a gun or sword and nature exists to be destroyed. So, I have realized that there is a part of my brain that worries about safety and playing nicely that I'm just going to have to turn off and trust that God will keep my two boys safe in spite of their repeated attempts to defy gravity or their need to play with very sharp sticks. So, for all of you mothers of boys that are reading this, I have now officially joined the club of people who just walk around saying things like, "Don't do that...put down that stick...be careful...no, don't hit your sibling..." etc. So, I'm sure my two boys will keep me on my toes and I just hope that I'm not completely gray-haired by the time I get home ;)
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