As we were grappling last week with whether or not to adopt older children, Dave had a 'God moment'.
We were driving in the car to the children's village to visit with Ethan for the 2nd or 3rd time. We had already decided 100% that these were our kids, but Dave was still processing. When a couple decides to adopt internationally, every couple has to deal with the loss of not experiencing the first 6-12 months of their child's life. For us, that was something we did year's ago and had put behind us. However, when God led us to our kids here, we had to then process the loss of not experiencing 'toddlerhood' with our kids. This was something we both really struggled with early on. It lightened immensely after discovering our kids and falling in love with them. However, Dave was still processing those emotions.
Then came the God moment. As I sat in the back seat staring at the passing streets, it dawned on me that when I focused on the 'loss', my mind was filled with thoughts of 'What I wanted', 'What I will miss', 'What I longed for'. It was then that God reminded me that nothing in parenthood is about 'I'. It always annoyed me when I saw parents trying to meet their own needs through their kids, and yet here I was doing the same thing - and only 2 days into parenting! To truly be the parent that these kids need and deserve, I cannot be looking to fill my own needs, but rather to self-sacrificially give all that I have to these two boys of mine. It's about the boys, not me.
That's the example God set on the cross, and the one I need to emulate as a husband and father.
6 comments:
Wow, that is so insightful. All I can imagine (from the smiles on their faces, especially Ethan's that first pic. you sent) is that they are SO thrilled to be in YOUR family. To be loved and to have a mom and dad and family. I am so thankful that you have the Holy Spirit to guide you through these God moments and to give you them in the first place. It won't be the last!!
Dave and Jaclyn,
Thanks so much for sharing your journey with us! The picture you sent was the best. The boys look so happy to be together and to have a mom and dad who will love them. It is unfortunate that many older children do not get adopted. God must know that you two are what these boys need and vice versa. Oh yeah, trust me, diapers are so over-rated.
The Wyszynski Family
Jane, John and Daniil
Praise the Lord for granting that perspective. I hope that you can find out as much as you can about their lives there in case the boys want to know later. For us it has been a bit tricky since we have three biological and one adopted. Since we don't have any baby pictures at all of Brian we downplay the baby picture thing when he is around because we don't want him to feel left out. I know he is curious (like we all are) to know what he looked like as a little kid. We have one picture of Brian at age 3 but that is the earliest we have. It doesn't appear that his biological parents kept any (or took any). I hope you have better luck with your boys. Also, if you can get any names of any of the boys relatives I would while you are over there. That way if the boys want to go back and visit KZ some day they might have some contacts.
-Uncle David
What great insight! It's so true that so often people make their children the center of their world and expect them to fill a spot of honor only God can fill. How wonderful that God revealed that to you at the very beginning of your journey into parenting. It will make such a difference in the long run that you don't place your sons on a pedestal that they are bound to fall off of! Too often you see parents doing that, as you mentioned! Do you have our email address, by chance? I would love to see a picture if you are allowed to send one! Just in case, here it is..
Love you guys!
Julie
rayandjuliejensen@gmail.com
Boys will be boys and they show an incredible amount of love for their mothers - you're going to be blessed with that love as well.
Great insight. We really struggled with that- and to some degree, still do-- with Sundi. We are blessed with a bunch of pics, but we often wonder if she wouldn't have so many challenges with speech and other medical issues if we could have been there to "intervene" sooner. Though frankly I still sometimes get frustrated with God, we are learning to trust that God loves our kids even more than we do, and that he can take their struggles and build something amazing with the foundation that began to be laid even before we were in the picture.
Love you guys,
Baba Sundi
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