As we were grappling last week with whether or not to adopt older children, Dave had a 'God moment'.
We were driving in the car to the children's village to visit with Ethan for the 2nd or 3rd time. We had already decided 100% that these were our kids, but Dave was still processing. When a couple decides to adopt internationally, every couple has to deal with the loss of not experiencing the first 6-12 months of their child's life. For us, that was something we did year's ago and had put behind us. However, when God led us to our kids here, we had to then process the loss of not experiencing 'toddlerhood' with our kids. This was something we both really struggled with early on. It lightened immensely after discovering our kids and falling in love with them. However, Dave was still processing those emotions.
Then came the God moment. As I sat in the back seat staring at the passing streets, it dawned on me that when I focused on the 'loss', my mind was filled with thoughts of 'What I wanted', 'What I will miss', 'What I longed for'. It was then that God reminded me that nothing in parenthood is about 'I'. It always annoyed me when I saw parents trying to meet their own needs through their kids, and yet here I was doing the same thing - and only 2 days into parenting! To truly be the parent that these kids need and deserve, I cannot be looking to fill my own needs, but rather to self-sacrificially give all that I have to these two boys of mine. It's about the boys, not me.
That's the example God set on the cross, and the one I need to emulate as a husband and father.
Wednesday
Dad's pocket full of trash
So, we've discovered Alex's favorite thing to do when at the playground. He scavenges for trash! That's right, our pride and joy spends most of our visitation time with him either digging in the sand pit or roaming the playground picking up trash. Mom and Dad are usually close behind trying to lay claim to the trash. By the end of the two hours, Dad usually has a pocket full of trash. Now where was this in our parenting classes.....
Tuesday
New Names
So, we think we've got new names for our kids. Drum role please......
The older brother..... Ethan (means 'Firm/Strong')
The younger brother...... Alex (means 'Protector of Mankind')
FYI-
This had no influence on our decision, but it's kinda funny. So, the two times we've been in KZ (2003, and now) - we've been here during the opening of the last two Terminator movies (3 & 4). So Dave is convinced that our kids will somehow fight off Skynet and the rest of the machines in the future. Their new names are fitting..... :)
The older brother..... Ethan (means 'Firm/Strong')
The younger brother...... Alex (means 'Protector of Mankind')
FYI-
This had no influence on our decision, but it's kinda funny. So, the two times we've been in KZ (2003, and now) - we've been here during the opening of the last two Terminator movies (3 & 4). So Dave is convinced that our kids will somehow fight off Skynet and the rest of the machines in the future. Their new names are fitting..... :)
Our first school play
We had a special treat today! We had an opportunity to go to the children's village and see the older brother in a kind of play about a Russian fable writer. It was so fun and even though we didn't understand much, we could tell that our boy had worked hard to memorize his lines. We might be biased but we thought he was the best one ;)
Brothers Again
April 24 -
Today was the first day that we got to re-unite the two brothers! They got separated approx. two years ago and haven't seen each other since. We first picked up the older brother and then took him with us to the baby house. We played inside today b/c it was cold outside. The older brother was really excited to see his little brother again and the younger one seemed shy at first but then we started playing and the two boys played really well together. It was another good day and so sweet to see the two brothers interacting. When we were getting ready to leave and we were walking the younger boy to his classroom, the older brother put his arm around the younger one and they walked together that way down the hall. It was very touching.
Today was the first day that we got to re-unite the two brothers! They got separated approx. two years ago and haven't seen each other since. We first picked up the older brother and then took him with us to the baby house. We played inside today b/c it was cold outside. The older brother was really excited to see his little brother again and the younger one seemed shy at first but then we started playing and the two boys played really well together. It was another good day and so sweet to see the two brothers interacting. When we were getting ready to leave and we were walking the younger boy to his classroom, the older brother put his arm around the younger one and they walked together that way down the hall. It was very touching.
A "Stupid American" Moment
Well, we had our first really embarrassing moment when we tried to do laundry. Our apt. has this tiny little washing machine that you can fit about three items in (more if its things like socks) and of course it's all in Russian, but we figure that it shouldn't be too difficult to work. So, we put our three items in and put some detergent in the little drawer for detergent, we pick what appears to be a cotton cycle and we pick a hot temperature and then there another set of choices that we just guess at and then we hit start. Well it seems to be working so we sit down to watch a movie and half-way through we hear our door-buzzer and someone is frantically beating on our door. We jump up and turn on the lights and notice that there is water all over the floor and we start to have a clue about why someone is frantically beating on our door. We open the door and there's this little old Russian lady who's talking very quickly and gesturing that water is pouring down on her. So, we try to apologize and let her know that we are going to take care of it and this is all mainly through gesturing b/c we don't speak a lick of Russian.
So, what was the cause of all of the drama? Well, the machine is in the bathroom and it gets it's water from a separate hose that's attached to the tub faucet. This part was fine b/c we just had to turn a knob to get the water into the machine. The problem came when the machine needed to empty all the water that it had used and we didn't realize that there was another hose that we needed to run from the back of the machine into the tub. When we started the wash it was going along fine and then it just started dumping the water all over the floor b/c we hadn't put the other hose into the tub. So that was our first real "Stupid American" moment :)
So, what was the cause of all of the drama? Well, the machine is in the bathroom and it gets it's water from a separate hose that's attached to the tub faucet. This part was fine b/c we just had to turn a knob to get the water into the machine. The problem came when the machine needed to empty all the water that it had used and we didn't realize that there was another hose that we needed to run from the back of the machine into the tub. When we started the wash it was going along fine and then it just started dumping the water all over the floor b/c we hadn't put the other hose into the tub. So that was our first real "Stupid American" moment :)
Sunday
The Process Begins
On April 22nd, we began the 14-day bonding period. We started off with visiting the younger brother at the baby house in the morning, then visiting the older brother at the children's village in the afternoon (after he returned from school). Unfortunately, we cannot post their names or pictures on the blog until they are legally ours. So we'll just have to keep that part as a surprise for later. :) Both visits go really well and we are starting to learn some things about the boys. The younger one loves to dig in the sandbox outside and the older one's favorite school subject is mathmatics and they are both fascinated by our camera and video camera.
We found them!
On Tuesday we met the older brother, and visited him for about 15 minutes. He, like his brother, is a beautiful, shy boy. We leave the children's village in a range of emotions. We definitely feel a connection with both boys, but they are both outside of what we were 'expecting' in ages. We came prepared to change diapers and use Cheerios as the main source of food - not attend PTA meetings.....
That afternoon we gave it all to God. We let go of all expectations, and again let him guide our hearts. By that evening we knew we had a match. We really were drawn to these two boys, and yet were scared out of our minds at the prospect of adopting older children. Yet, God moved. By the next morning, we were positive these were our kids.
It's hard to explain how we knew, or how our expectations had so suddenly changed. We woke up Monday morning intent on adopting a single child under age 2, and by Wednesday morning we were daydreaming about our 4 and 8 year old. God is amazing....
That afternoon we gave it all to God. We let go of all expectations, and again let him guide our hearts. By that evening we knew we had a match. We really were drawn to these two boys, and yet were scared out of our minds at the prospect of adopting older children. Yet, God moved. By the next morning, we were positive these were our kids.
It's hard to explain how we knew, or how our expectations had so suddenly changed. We woke up Monday morning intent on adopting a single child under age 2, and by Wednesday morning we were daydreaming about our 4 and 8 year old. God is amazing....
The Baby House
April 20th -
Today we met another sibling group. We first meet the younger child (age 4) at the baby house. He's a beautiful, shy little boy. We only meet him for a few minutes, but he has definitely caught our eye. Now off to visit his brother. He is age 8, and is located at the children's village in Petro. The children's village is a small compound of ~6 houses. Each house has about 6 children (ranging in ages from 7-18), and a 'house mom'. It's a great living arrangement, and apparently is reserved for those children who display academic aptitude.
We get to the village, but the older brother is away on a walk. We see a picture of him, but will have to come back the next day to meet him. While we were drawn to the younger brother, we both are still struggling with the concept of adopting a school-aged child. We just don't think we are ready for that. Another rough night....
Today we met another sibling group. We first meet the younger child (age 4) at the baby house. He's a beautiful, shy little boy. We only meet him for a few minutes, but he has definitely caught our eye. Now off to visit his brother. He is age 8, and is located at the children's village in Petro. The children's village is a small compound of ~6 houses. Each house has about 6 children (ranging in ages from 7-18), and a 'house mom'. It's a great living arrangement, and apparently is reserved for those children who display academic aptitude.
We get to the village, but the older brother is away on a walk. We see a picture of him, but will have to come back the next day to meet him. While we were drawn to the younger brother, we both are still struggling with the concept of adopting a school-aged child. We just don't think we are ready for that. Another rough night....
The Process
Below is a brief synopsis of how the adoption process works in Kazakhstan.
Step 1:
- Find your kids
Step 2:
- Spend 14 days visiting you kids. Each day needs to be documented via a log sheet and date-stamped photos. This is called the bonding period. Most Kazakh orphanages allow about 2 hours a day of visitation.
Step 3:
- After the bonding period, you can then petition the court to adopt. It takes about a week to get a court date. You can still visit your kids each day during visitation hours.
Step 4:
- After your court date, you then wait 15 days. This is an appeal period where members of the children's biological family can petition the court to stop the adoption. You can still visit your kids each day during visitation hours during this period.
- After the 15 day appeal period, the kids are yours. At that point you take custody of them.
Step 5:
- Once the kids are yours, you fly back down to Almaty. You then spend a few days at the American consulate. There you get the kids checked out by an embassy doctor, get US visas for the kids, and wrap up final paperwork for the US government.
Step 6:
- Fly home. Once the kids pass through US immigration at the airport, they are 100% US citizens.
Step 1:
- Find your kids
Step 2:
- Spend 14 days visiting you kids. Each day needs to be documented via a log sheet and date-stamped photos. This is called the bonding period. Most Kazakh orphanages allow about 2 hours a day of visitation.
Step 3:
- After the bonding period, you can then petition the court to adopt. It takes about a week to get a court date. You can still visit your kids each day during visitation hours.
Step 4:
- After your court date, you then wait 15 days. This is an appeal period where members of the children's biological family can petition the court to stop the adoption. You can still visit your kids each day during visitation hours during this period.
- After the 15 day appeal period, the kids are yours. At that point you take custody of them.
Step 5:
- Once the kids are yours, you fly back down to Almaty. You then spend a few days at the American consulate. There you get the kids checked out by an embassy doctor, get US visas for the kids, and wrap up final paperwork for the US government.
Step 6:
- Fly home. Once the kids pass through US immigration at the airport, they are 100% US citizens.
Kazakh Orphanages
From what we've learned, Kazakhstan breaks out orphanages into the following categories:
Age 0-4 -> Baby House (in Petro)
Age 5-7 -> Orphanage (at Paludina)
Age 7+ -> Boarding School (in Petro)
Gifted kids (7+) -> Children's Village (in Petro)
Age 0-4 -> Baby House (in Petro)
Age 5-7 -> Orphanage (at Paludina)
Age 7+ -> Boarding School (in Petro)
Gifted kids (7+) -> Children's Village (in Petro)
Friday
A bad weekend
Our first visit to the orphanage was perhaps one of the toughest days of our lives. We went about an hour outside the city, through the rural KZ countryside to a small village called Paludina. It is here that the orphanage for 4-7 year-olds is located. Within 10 minutes we are introduced to two young beautiful boys. We go on to play with them for about an hour.
Unfortunately, we knew instantly that these two boys were not ours. It's hard to explain why, but we just knew. Saying 'no' to two orphans was one of the toughest things we have ever done.
We went back to Paludina to visit another 5 orphans (no siblings). We played with them for about an hour, but again, we felt no connection to any of them. Saying goodbye to those kids was again an emotionally draining.
That wasn't the end though. Afterward, we were informed that there were no other children in our age range (under 5 and 2) available for adoption. Suddenly we were faced with the prospect of adopting two children whom we knew were not ours, or heading home alone. A third option would be to adopt a child much older than we were expecting.
We had the weekend to ponder this. That first weekend was perhaps one of the hardest of our lives. We wrestled through the 30+ hours with a range of emotions. Why did God abandon us? Why did he set our hearts one way, only to have reality dictate another? We desperately tried to trust that he could overcome any obstacle, but we couldn't see how? Were we wrong to desire the children we had 'expected'? Were we supposed to adopt from KZ? Were we cut out for adoption at all??
Needless to say, it was a rough two days of struggle with God. We knew in our heads thaat God is soveriegn over all, but we just couldn't see it. The government was adamant, therre were no other children within our age range available.
On Sunday night, we were informed that we would be meeting another sibling group (ages 4 and 8). We again had strong reservations. We just weren't ready for an older child. Were we?
Unfortunately, we knew instantly that these two boys were not ours. It's hard to explain why, but we just knew. Saying 'no' to two orphans was one of the toughest things we have ever done.
We went back to Paludina to visit another 5 orphans (no siblings). We played with them for about an hour, but again, we felt no connection to any of them. Saying goodbye to those kids was again an emotionally draining.
That wasn't the end though. Afterward, we were informed that there were no other children in our age range (under 5 and 2) available for adoption. Suddenly we were faced with the prospect of adopting two children whom we knew were not ours, or heading home alone. A third option would be to adopt a child much older than we were expecting.
We had the weekend to ponder this. That first weekend was perhaps one of the hardest of our lives. We wrestled through the 30+ hours with a range of emotions. Why did God abandon us? Why did he set our hearts one way, only to have reality dictate another? We desperately tried to trust that he could overcome any obstacle, but we couldn't see how? Were we wrong to desire the children we had 'expected'? Were we supposed to adopt from KZ? Were we cut out for adoption at all??
Needless to say, it was a rough two days of struggle with God. We knew in our heads thaat God is soveriegn over all, but we just couldn't see it. The government was adamant, therre were no other children within our age range available.
On Sunday night, we were informed that we would be meeting another sibling group (ages 4 and 8). We again had strong reservations. We just weren't ready for an older child. Were we?
On our way
April 14th - We board a United flight out of Dulles. After a 2 hour layover in Frakfurt, we'll be heading to Almaty.
April 16th - We land in Almaty on Thursday morning (roughly 1am local time). We meet our driver who takes us to a hotel in the city. We have a few hours to sleep, shower, and eat before we head back to the airport to catch our flight to Petropavlovsk. The power is out at the hotel when we get there. Good thing we packed a flashlight....
The flight to Petropavlovsk is something else. Everyone should get to experience flying an old twin-prop Russian plane. :)
We are met at the Petropavlovsk airport by our driver, Alexander, and our interpreter, Irina. It takes about 30 minutes to get to Petro. We unload our luggage at our new home for the next 5+ weeks (an apartment), and then head back out. We were able to get our interview with the Dept. of Education moved up to this afternoon.
The interview is quick and painless. Just a few standard questions. We now have permission to visit the orphanage the next day.
April 16th - We land in Almaty on Thursday morning (roughly 1am local time). We meet our driver who takes us to a hotel in the city. We have a few hours to sleep, shower, and eat before we head back to the airport to catch our flight to Petropavlovsk. The power is out at the hotel when we get there. Good thing we packed a flashlight....
The flight to Petropavlovsk is something else. Everyone should get to experience flying an old twin-prop Russian plane. :)
We are met at the Petropavlovsk airport by our driver, Alexander, and our interpreter, Irina. It takes about 30 minutes to get to Petro. We unload our luggage at our new home for the next 5+ weeks (an apartment), and then head back out. We were able to get our interview with the Dept. of Education moved up to this afternoon.
The interview is quick and painless. Just a few standard questions. We now have permission to visit the orphanage the next day.
The Call
April 9th 2009 - We got the call. Since late Feburary, we knew we were in a travel 'window' - which meant we could travel at any minute. Well, on Thursday we finally got the call we had been waiting 2 years for. They wanted us in KZ (Petropavlovsk) by friday, April 17th. Apparently we already had an interview scheduled that day with the KZ Dept. of Education. Since the only flights from Almaty to Petropavlovsk are on Tuesday and Thursdays, we had to be airborne by Tuesday in order to get to Almaty by Thursday morning.
So we spent the next few days wrapping up our stateside affairs and saying goodbye.
So we spent the next few days wrapping up our stateside affairs and saying goodbye.
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